I'm Normally Perfect (re-upload)

Chapter Twenty-One

Perhaps sensing my discomfort Alex kept Matthew to herself, he'd pick her up one evening a week, but didn't come into the house. She'd pull on her coat when she heard his car in the drive and ask me for the third time for the evening if I was going to be all right. I'd always assure her I could hold down the house whilst she was out, though I didn't do much of anything. I couldn't concentrate on reading or writing and even the study wasn't that interesting. I'd sit and pretend to read a magazine or two then let the girls out and back in and go to bed early. I didn't want to know what time she returned home.

Mornings following her dates I tried not to analyse whether she seemed more cheerful or not. I wanted her to be happy, but I didn't want her singing the morning after one of their dates. She did seem even kinder toward me than before, I suppose she wanted to assure me that nothing had changed between us and within a few weeks I didn't think too much about her evenings out. It was actually rather nice to have the house to myself, I could sing and dance around if I wanted to, something I hadn't had the freedom to do since arriving in the country. I don't think Cate and Clem appreciated my little performances, though, as they took to making their way upstairs whenever I clicked on the stereo in the living room.

Throughout Michaelmas, Alex and I attended concerts and art openings, we shared a disdain for pretentious artists, though through her I found them less irritating and more amusing. In watching Alex interact with people, I learned that you can mock someone to their face if you're dry-witted enough, and that you don't really have to tolerate idiots, you only have to know how to deflect them deftly. Being with her was like being with the person I wanted to be, a constant lesson in patience and tolerance. Like a science fiction movie where the older version of a person meets up with the younger version of herself and instructs her about life.

Some of my favourite evenings from that time were when we'd attend concerts. Alex was always put-together and elegant, but on those nights she truly shined. I'd take great care getting ready, making certain my slacks were free of wrinkles and dog hair and that my braided bun was just so. Then I liked to wait for her in the front hallway because I'd get to watch her walk down the stairs as though she were making a grand entrance. I'd help her into her coat before we made our way to the car. She usually wore black slacks with a blouse and blazer, occasionally she'd wear pinstripes, which I always thought looked quite fetching, but when she'd appear from her room in a well-cut dress I'd be reminded anew how beautiful she was. I loved accompanying her and thinking about how jealous everyone else surely was of me that I was with such a lovely woman. It was the first time in my life I wanted people to pay attention to me, I wanted them to see who I was with and be impressed.

One evening in the middle of December whilst attending a Bach concert I was half listening to the concerto and half thinking about the way Alex's hair caught the light when I felt someone looking in our direction and I glanced to the right to find Professor Burrows observing us from several rows away. His expression was sour, as usual, and I gave him a tiny smile, as I knew that would irk him (I always felt braver with Alex nearby). I reached over to get her attention to point him out, but I missed her arm and took her hand instead. She held onto it and she smiled slightly without looking at me. I was so happy to sit there holding her hand that I forgot about Professor Burrows.

When the concert was over, we helped one another into our coats and were about to begin inching out of the row when she said, 'Oh, look, Melvin's here. And with Georgina.'

I turned to see him making his way to the aisle; there was a stately woman with a pile of grey hair on her head in front of him. She was rather elegant, dressed in a steely satin gown with a long drape in the same material that went across her back, and rested over her arms. I said, 'Oh, yeah, I saw them during the concert. I don't think I've ever seen him at any of these performances before.'