I'm Normally Perfect (re-upload)

Chapter Fifty

Alex accompanied me to Fort William, my last Scottish stop, then we returned to England. I did the next few stops in Lancashire and Shropshire, returning home every evening. The final week of my tour was in Wales, which was also the last week of Michaelmas term. Alex joined me for my signing in Cardiff and we rode the train back together. I slumped against her shoulder and she chuckled,

'Are you relieved it's over?'

'Very much so, thank you.' It occurred to me that I'd no longer have meetings and a timetable to keep to, Lord, what would I do with all the time? 'Simon says that if it goes well I might do a few more signings in London, do a mini-tour. He wants me to go on another television show, you know.'

'You don't have to.'

'I know, but I don't want to let them down and...I rather want to show people I'm not a complete freak.'

'Your radio interviews have gone all right haven't they?'

'Yes, but...I don't know. Simon says people want to see me. I suppose I understand, though I don't know why people can't just be happy with my work. I'm not crazy about random people knowing what I look like.'

'What programme does he want you to do?'

'Graham Norton.'

She laughed, 'You're having me on.'

'I only wish I were. Nothing's set in stone yet, but they're trying to get me on the show. I'm not that funny, how in the world am I supposed to trade quips with that guy?'

She was still laughing, 'The very thought of it is amusing to me.'

I responded in a wry tone, 'Yeah, it'll be a scream, I'm sure.'

'Did you say you would?'

I shrugged, 'Why not? It can't possibly be worse than Good Morning, England.' I clamped my mouth shut and looked at her, terrified, 'Oh God, did I just say that? I've just condemned myself to television interview hell, haven't I?'

She patted my knee, 'No, darling. I'm certain it will be fine.'

I counted twenty telephone poles as we passed before saying as though it'd only just occurred to me, 'Speaking of Grahams, how did your date with Mr Whitney go?' I'd vowed to myself not to bring it up, I was rather proud that I'd managed not to ask for two days.

Looking out of the window at the sheep grazing in the nearby fields she said, 'Oh, all right.'

'Do you not want to talk about it because you think I'll be petulant? Or because it was less than spectacular?' I was rooting for the latter, but figured it was the former.

She smiled, I noticed she didn't look at me when we discussed him. 'It was a lovely evening. I made squabs.'

When she didn't continue I asked, 'And did he like them?'

'Yes.'

We rocketed through a station and I waited for her to continue, but her silence told me everything I needed to know. I asked quietly, 'Did he stay the night?' I couldn't look at her as I asked.

'Yes.' She took a deep breath, 'I'm not going to apologise. We're both adults and...'

I cut in, 'You don't have to apologise, you didn't do anything wrong.' Just grody. 'If you want to sleep with him you don't have to make excuses to me.'

She looked at me with a serious expression, 'Catherine. I know how you feel about that side of things.'

I nodded, 'Yes, and I know how you feel about it, as well. You can do whatever you want and I'm not going to think any less of you.' I was such a hypocrite, though, because I did think less of her. I wanted her to be like me, I wanted our friendship to be enough. Though I cognitively knew that her being with a man was nothing to do with our friendship, I couldn't help feeling I was somehow inadequate. It had been so lovely after Stewart had left our lives I was hopeful that she'd see how great it was just the two of us, but apparently not. God, I hoped Graham wouldn't start spending loads of time at the house. I could deal with her wanting to sleep with someone every now and again if I didn't have to have supper with the guy on a regular basis. That did bad things to my stomach lining. Not to mention putting unpleasant pictures in my head.