I'm Normally Perfect (re-upload)

Chapter Forty-Two

With the beginning of my final term at Oxford came a level of anxiety I had not before experienced. I felt as though I had an IV of caffeine going at all times. I slept in Alex's room three or four nights a week; she didn't seem to mind, though, thank goodness, and if I woke up at two am, feeling like the world was falling in on me she'd pull me close to her and whisper gently until my heart stopped pounding and I fell asleep again.

'It's all right, sweetheart, I promise it's going to be all right.'

I'd take a deep breath, 'Uh huh.'

'What are you worried over?'

'Oh, everything.'

Her arm would tighten around my waist and she'd purr into my ear, 'Specifically, darling.'

'That I won't pass.'

'Of course you'll pass. You'll do brilliantly, you've been keeping up with your reading and writing your essays, there's no reason to worry over that.'

I knew that, but at two in the morning I wasn't entirely rational. 'And I'm scared about the future.'

'What about it is bothering you?'

'I don't know what I'm going to do with it, there's just so much of it out there, staring at me like the abyss.'

'Yes, but you can't look at it like a whole thing, just take it one bit at a time. What do you want to do the summer after you graduate? Just the summer, you don't have to plan the rest of your life right away.'

I took another deep breath, 'I don't know. Get a job, I suppose.'

'Doing what?'

'I don't know. Work with books, maybe.'

'There you are, we'll look into bookshops and libraries.'

'What if I can't find anything?' I rolled over to face her and she drew me to her.

'You'll simply have to keep working at it until you do. I'm not going to chuck you out if you don't have a position the day you get your diploma. And who knows, perhaps something will come of your writing and that will be a source of income.'

'Yeah.' It was nice to hear her say I wasn't going to be homeless if I didn't get a job as soon as possible, but I didn't want to be entirely dependent on her.

She stroked my cheek and hair and asked, 'Anything else preying on your mind?'

I snuggled closer and said into her neck, 'My family is going to be here in a few weeks.'

'I know. That will be fine, as well. I promise.'

I grunted, unconvinced. She could say that, but she hadn't met my mother.

'They'll only be here two days, then they're going to stay in in the city, correct?'

'Yes.' But the fact that they'd be in the same country that I was going to be in was more than I could bear.

'So you won't have to entertain them every second.'

'Right.'

She squeezed me, 'It's only a week.'

'But I'm suppose to go back with them.'

'Only for a month. It'll be good, you can say goodbye to everyone.'

I'd already said goodbye to everyone I wanted to say goodbye to, but she was playing her fingers through my hair and I was getting drowsy again. I said, 'Yeah,' quietly and could feel myself drifting off.