I'm Normally Perfect (re-upload)

Chapter Seventy-One

The New Year came and went—Alex finished another painting of me and hung it in the hallway by the cinema, which was becoming something of a gallery of Catherine and I began a new novel. It was about a person stalking a celebrity, an actress. After a time he manages to get a job at a coffee shop the woman frequents and gets to know her. I considered having him like the woman once he got to know her or become disillusioned once he found out what she was really like, but I decided it was more of a shock if he killed her anyway. I was excited to be working on something new and threw myself into it fully, which helped when the term began as I had something to distract me from not having her around.

As we continued to see Gina and Grant at the weekends I didn't feel compelled to go on attending the don's meetings (Georgiana had really been my only reason for going), and Alex agreed saying it was an awfully long drive down in the evenings. As she'd been moving a bit slower those days—the way she got before she became depressed—I figured that had something to do with it, as well. She'd been losing her train of thought more than usual, which was also a sign of the big bad black cloud of despair. When I first noticed she wasn't eating very much and sleeping poorly I tried to figure out what it was that was bothering her—usually her low moods were triggered by something—but nothing immediately presented itself and I thought she might get sad for no reason sometimes. I tried to make sure she ate enough and made her laugh, a task that was growing increasingly difficult.

I woke early one Monday in February to find myself alone. As Alex hadn't been sleeping well lately I ventured downstairs to see if she was in her rocking chair in the living room again. She'd taken to sitting in there until the sun came up. When I cleared the landing I found her parked there, gazing blankly out of the large windows at the lightening sky. 'Alex.' She didn't respond and I said her name again.

Eventually she said softly, 'I can hear you.'

I went down the last few stairs and crossed to her. She looked as if she hadn't slept at all. 'Are you all right?'

Her voice was a whisper, 'I'll be fine.'

'You look exhausted. Come back to bed. I'll ring the college and let them know you're not well.'

She sighed, 'Do you know what today is?'

'The tenth of February. Oh.'

'A year ago we were in hospital.' Her voice dropped so low I could barely hear her, 'I suppose I should say, "you were in hospital," shouldn't I?'

I kneeled beside her and took her hand, 'It was just as bad for you as it was for me. But we're fine now. Better than ever. Is that what's had you so blue lately?'

She shook her head, 'I've been dreaming about it...'

I stroked her cheek, 'You should have woken me. We'd talk—the way you do when I'm having an anxiety attack.'

'I didn't want to remind you.'

I stood and hugged her as best I could with her sitting, 'You tell me I shouldn't be afraid to share when I'm upset—well, you don't have to keep it to yourself, either. The both of us went through it and the both of us survived. It's part of our relationship now. Not a great part, but it didn't destroy us.' I kissed her on the forehead, 'You go back up to bed. I'll bring up a bite to eat and later I'll ring and let them know you're not well today. You've been worrying me to death the last few days—I thought you were getting depressed again.'

'I'm sorry, sweetheart.'

I brushed some hair from her face, 'Don't apologise. Just get some rest.'

She leant forward and put her face in my stomach. 'I feel so protective of you—I don't want to upset you.'

'I'm a grown up now, as well. I don't need protecting all the time. In fact, I can be the protective one sometimes, too. You know, when you're tired of being the super hero.'