I'm Normally Perfect (re-upload)

Chapter Forty-Three

That evening Alex and I set the table with a set of very nice china and situated all of the food on the table before calling to my parents and Noni in the living room. My father had been entranced by the television.

'They only have four channels here,' he announced in a confounded tone. Father's favourite hobby back home was flipping through all five hundred channels at top speed all the while saying there was nothing on. I could never figure out how he knew since he never paused long enough to watch anything.

Alex explained, 'We don't have cable television.'

My father commented in an assured way, 'You people sure are b'hind.'

Alex said, 'No, I didn't mean "we" as in the English, I meant "we" as in Catherine and myself. We don't have cable, the rest of the country does.'

'Oh,' he narrowed his eyes at her as if he were trying to figure out if she was teasing him.

As we were taking our seats mother issued her assessment of the BBC: 'Y'all have the weirdest timed things, one show's forty minutes and the next is twenty minutes. And ya ain't got any commercials.'

Alex commented thoughtfully, 'Yes, I suppose it is rather nice.'

Mother snapped, 'I didn't say it was nice, I was jest saying it's different, is all.'

A look of shock crossed Alex's face then she smiled and said as graciously as possible, 'Won't you please help yourselves?'

Mother pointed at the main course, as though it was something from another planet, 'Whut's this?'

I said calmly, 'It's shepherd's pie, mother. It's meat and spices and vegetables, it's very good.'

She pointed at another plate, 'Whut happened to those biscuits?'

'Those are Yorkshire puddings.' She eyed them and I explained, 'It's bread.'

'I can see that, smartass.' If Mother caught Alex's glacial stare she did a good job of ignoring it. 'Why's it all caved in?'

I replied as unsmartass-like as I could, 'They're supposed to look like that.'

Father piped up, 'Do you have anything to drink?' I never thought I'd be relieved to hear my father request alcohol, but if it made my mother shut up it was worth it.

Alex said, 'Oh, yes, um...I believe we have a lovely plonk, if you'd be interested in that.'

I nearly laughed out loud.

My father asked what that was precisely and Alex said, 'It's a type of wine peculiar to the British Isles.' She adopted an air of contrition and said, 'I do apologise, but that's the only sort of drink we have.'

Father heaved a sigh and said that was fine and mother said to Alex accusatorily, 'I'm shure if you like it it's extra classy.'

Alex threw her a small smile before disappearing into the pantry and returning a few moments later with a bottle. She filled our glasses and I psychically beamed to her not to fill mine too full, as I didn't want my parents to know I drank. She seemed to get that and only gave me an inch or so. She held her glass aloft and said with a big smile, 'May I propose a toast to our Catherine, for graduating from the finest University in the world.'

Mother snorted and had a sip.

Alex asked conversationally, 'You don't believe graduating from Oxford is something to celebrate?'

'No, I don't. Not from this one,' she jerked her head in my direction, 'She wuz always doin' something brainy like that.'

Alex's smile faded, 'Yes, I suppose it isn't a surprise at all that she's graduating at nineteen.'