damnation → the walking dead ⁴

[ 035 ] do not send us astray.

— CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE.
do not send us astray.

ODESSA,

REMEMBER WHEN WE were little and we would sneak out of the house after dinner every night? Mom and Dad would get so mad at us because we were "in danger." I never saw it that way. Not when you were with me. I never felt scared or like I was gonna get hurt when my big sister was around.

You protected me from the time I was just a little baby. My first memory happened when I was two. I remember it so vividly. You were six at the time. It was night and I couldn't sleep. I kept crying and you came up to my bed and just got in there with me. We both fell asleep quick. Mom and Dad also were mad about that. They told you that you could've killed me by rolling on top of me. You cried so hard and you never got in the bed with me again. You were so scared of hurting me.

I know you're probably blaming yourself. But you can't do that, Dessa. I didn't die because of you. You can't keep blaming yourself for things like this. It wasn't your fault with Sophia, Dale, T-Dog, Mom, Hershel, Beth, Noah, Glenn, Abraham, Sasha, Cole, any of them. No one them died because of you, Des. You didn't kill them.

If I couldn't go through with killing myself, you did it for me. I'm sorry for asking that of you, Des. I'm so sorry for putting you through that. If I did ask, I shouldn't have.

But it's time for it all to stop. The killing, the violence, the anger, the revenge. That's not who my big sister is. My big sister is loving and caring. She smiles and she laughs. She doesn't hurt people and she doesn't kill them. You need to lay down your weapons and stop. You can be whole again, Odessa.

I'm not here anymore but you still have people to protect. Judith, Brielle, Flynn, the little baby Gracie, Maggie and Glenn's kid. They're gonna need you. Not the you now but the you from when I was a little kid. The compassionate Odessa Grimes. Not Little Miss Murderer or The Grimes Daughter.

So let it stop.

You might have to take care of those children but you need to be taken care of, too. Let Dad help you. Let Michonne and Carol and Maggie be there when you need someone. Let Cori hold you when you need to be held.

She looks at you with admiration in her eyes, Des. I know that scares you because you still love Beth. You always will. But you can move on. It's not a sin to fall in love twice, Dessa. Cori needs you and you're gonna need her. It's time to let someone else love you.

Okay, since I'm not here for you to get mad at anymore, I'm gonna be honest. You're ruining your life, Des. You are ruining your relationships with people you love just because you want revenge for what Negan and Kathleen did. Killing Negan and Kathleen won't bring back Glenn, Abraham, Sasha, and Cole.

You're not just my sister anymore, Des. You're Judith's sister. You're Glenn and Maggie's kid's godmother. You took Brielle under your wing.

You don't have to take care of me anymore, Des. I'm a big kid now.

But they're gonna need you. More than you know it. And you're gonna need them. Way more than you'll ever know. They're going to save your life one day. I know it.