Matrimony Homies

18: Therapy (Loren and Harry)

"Thanks for seeing me again so soon," I sigh as I sit across from Priyanka, a pillow tucked around my middle.

Observing me, my therapist nods, her pencil landing on top of the notepad. "This doesn't look like defensiveness. More like protection. Feeling afraid?"

When I nod, she smiles at me. "We've lived through fear before. Shall we dig into what's making you frightened this time?"

"I appreciate the extra appointment," I tell Max as we sit in the private fenced garden outside his office.

"Of course," he nods. "You rarely ask for additional time, so I know this one must be important. How about you tell me how you are experiencing the problem?"

"I saw my childhood friend this weekend –" I start.

"Harry?" she interrupts, and I nod.

"This weekend, I learned that someone I've known nearly all of my life has actually lived a life I knew nothing about."

"Hmmm...and how did that make you feel?"

"Betrayed, sort of. But not betrayed by her," I rush to clarify. "Just by my own memories. By myself."

"I told him – everything." My heart thumps louder as I recall spilling my guts to him in the car on the way home.

"Define 'everything'."

"I thought she'd had a childhood similar to mine, you know? I mean, she was at my house all the time. Literally. All the time. And I'm younger than her by almost four years. So I made assumptions, you know? I assumed that she grew up with parents or step-parents who loved her and treated her well."

"I told him first about what I heard him say."

"That must have been challenging."

"Very," I agree, and the tears come to my eyes as well as my throat.

"And she told me things about how I hurt her."

"That must have been hard to hear." As usual, he barely adjusts his position in the chair as he probes my tender emotional spots.

"Let's take a moment to celebrate your courage," Priyanka says, and I tilt my head to look at her.

"Courage?"

"Fuck yeah, Loren. You've been carrying the memory of that day for a long time. We've unravelled much of what happened with your parents, but you've always shied away from talking about the Harry incident."

"I suppose it was courageous," I stutter, finally thinking about how scared I had been to say the words to him.

"It's huge," Priyanka verifies. "So I want to pause here and for you to let that sink into your body. Feel around for where your emotions have settled in your body from talking to him about the incident."

"Don't you want to know how he responded?" I'm confused.

"Not yet. First, let's take a minute to relish that you brought up the topic."

"I had no idea, Max. She heard me say some stuff to a mate, but I didn't mean what I said. My goal was merely to get this bloke to back away from her."

"Hmmm...when was this?"

I'm shaking my head because tears have begun to coat my throat. Finally, I choke out, "A decade ago."

"How did she react at the time?"

"She quit talking to me," I mumble, recalling my feelings when I'd first heard her side of the story.