the marriage stone (Discontinued)

Chapter 45 - Dragon Taming

Severus sat by the fire long after Harry had gone to bed. He was glad he had thought to take the Calming Draught before talking to the boy, for even with it, the emotions churning around inside him were chaotic. He could still feel a good sense of rage - but it was no longer directed at the young man he seemed fated to share his life with. No, now it was directed once more firmly at the Dursleys who seemed to have hurt the boy so deeply he felt that wishing for some real bond with his family was selfish.

A selfish thing, Harry had called it, wanting it to matter that any kindness directed toward him was because of who he was rather than the role he was forced to play in life. Severus regretted deeply now the words he had said that morning, and how grossly he had misunderstood. If the smile Harry had bestowed upon him was any indication, he had forgiven him readily, but surely the wound must still be there and Severus did not know how to mend it.

Merlin the boy was confusing! He baffled Severus at every turn. But Severus felt some hope in his heart; it was obvious that the young man had feelings for him. It was just as obvious that he didn't have a clue what those feelings might entail. Neither did Severus for that matter - save to see that Harry trusted him, was grateful to him, and wanted to matter to him, wanted to be part of a family. And when Harry had smiled at him, Severus had felt his heart turn over.

One day, he told himself, he wanted to meet the Dursleys face to face, and he wanted to see all three of them squirm in shame for what they had done. He wanted to see them regret every selfish and cruel thing they had ever done to their nephew. One day, he promised himself, he would extract some sort of petty revenge that went beyond the spells Albus had cursed them with.

Harry had gone to bed shortly after their conversation without too much prompting, and Severus guessed he was now sound asleep under the influence of the Dreamless Sleep Draught. He wanted to go to bed himself, wanted to put this entire day behind him, but he was wary of doing so. Rage at the Dursleys wasn't the only emotion plaguing him - the desire to touch Harry did not seem to be fading, despite the Calming Draught.

He'd grabbed Harry that morning when he'd seen him standing so close to the feral werewolf - it had been all he could do to let him go when Albus had ordered him to. And earlier this evening when Harry had panicked, thinking the werewolf dead, it had been all Severus could do to keep from grabbing him once more. He'd settled instead for touching his shoulders and had been desperately grateful when the boy had welcomed his touch.

Frankly, he was disgusted with himself. He usually had more self-control than this - and he'd certainly never lusted after one of his students. His last lover had been a man his own age that he'd met at a Potions Conference - a rather brilliant, charming blond named Andre. And before him there had a been a dark-skinned woman ten years his senior who had taken him into the Amazon to search for rare potion ingredients. While he had always been the more dominate partner in any relationship, he had never sought out people so much younger than himself, or so naive or innocent they didn't know what they were getting into. He'd never been jealous or possessive of past lovers; he hadn't cared enough. He had let them all go with barely a glance back. And he had certainly never sought out someone so young that they didn't know exactly what they wanted from a relationship. He had never seduced a virgin.

Albus said that the feral transference did not make him feel anything alien - it merely amplified the emotions already inside him. And it seemed that Harry brought out feelings he had tried to remove from his nature - possessiveness, jealousy, and the desire to control. He saw those emotions as character flaws - certainly they had been motivating factors in his father's life. He comforted himself somewhat with the realization that along with all those darker feelings was the overwhelming need to protect as well. But to feel such lust for someone so much younger than himself, someone so innocent - he wasn't certain what to think any more.