Do I matter that little...?

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A/N- Denki and shinkami centric also I have used the head canon of Denki having ADHD bare in mind I mainly have the knowledge I've gotten from being on ADHD TikTok also I'm not sure if its canon or not but Denki's mom is a prohero and I've made it so his father is dead sowwy Also that when he uses his quirk to charge phones that it drains him of energy, it being transferred to the phone.

Denki Kaminari. Also known as 'Dunce Face', 'Portable Charger' and 'The Stupid one', very rarely he might be referred to as 'Chargebolt'. Each insult hurt him more and more, not that he would ever say anything about this, no... he could never say that out loud.  He loved his friends, truly, but he couldn't help wondering whether they returned it. He'd been having a really rough week and was doing his best not to worry anyone, rather suffering in silence, which he knew he probably shouldn't, but he couldn't help it. Only Hitoshi had bothered to ask him if he was okay and well... he was honest in his answer but made it into a joke so he wouldn't worry, not wanting to be a burden to his boyfriend who he knew was struggling constantly to even just get up and go to school. 

As usual he was hanging out with the Bakusquad during the time before homeroom started and he'd recently developed a knew hyper fixation on a specific series and he was really excited, telling them about it, noting how they also seemed interested in what he was saying. Mina arrived in the middle of his story and cut him off, beginning to tell them about some person she'd met online and he pauses in place, trying to process what had just happened and he looks around at the rest to see if any of them were going to point out what she'd done but notices them all listening to her now instead and he looks down quietly, feeling as if they didn't care about what he had to say. 

He'd done his best to ignore it, but it still bothered him, causing him to fidget a bit more than normal during the lesson, wondering whether they were actually his friends or if they just put up with him, falling into a pit of self-doubt. They get told to discuss the work in a group, and as usual, he works with them, trying to put away his feeling of rejection. A question pops up that he was able to answer (the result of one of his random google searches) and he begins to answer it but gets cut off once again, Bakugo answering with the exact same answer he was giving and he looks down, deciding to just shut up so he wouldn't get cut off again. 

The day goes by in mostly the same way, either being cut off or being told to shut up but what had hurt the most was when Eijiro had stopped listening to him while he was talking to him. Now that had hurt a lot, after all he was his best friend, and he was usually the one who would listen to him. he'd eventually decided to ask him about it, mentioning how he hated the silences, that being why he was always talking, only for him to say, "But our silences are never uncomfortable." He went completely silent, not having the heart to tell him that that was not actually the point and that all silences bothered him. 

He eventually goes home, feeling incredibly drained and miserable, needing to cry but feeling pathetic, so he holds it in. He sees a note on the fridge alerting him to the fact that his mother was on patrol, so she would only be home late. He sighs shakily and goes to his room, sitting at his desk with his work, knowing he needs to get it done but feeling genuinely unable to get started. He knew he would be fine once he started but physically could not bring himself to start and so starts watching his show again, feeling incredibly guilty for watching it instead of doing his work. He checks the time a while later and sees that somehow it was 2 hours later and sighs softly, turning off his show and starting to get ready for bed. 

He climbs in, his mind racing, thereby preventing him from sleeping, and he begins to question everything, spiralling and feeling like absolute shit, wanting to just be able to sleep and escape his thoughts. 

He eventually grabs his phone, opening Hitoshi's chat. He hesitantly typed out the question he'd been wondering all day, his insecurity levels high. 

~~~

Hey Toshi? Do you still like me?

Of course I do Denki. I love you. 

Promise?

Yes, I promise. Did something happen today? 

It's no big deal. Just having a bad day... 

Day? Are you sure?

Okay... maybe a bad couple weeks...

Come meet me in our spot tomorrow for lunch and we'll talk, okay?

Okay... Thank you, Toshi.

~~~

He eventually manages to fall asleep. It is already around 12 when he does.

The next morning, he gets ready and goes to school as per normal. As soon as he gets to school, Eijiro goes over to him, "Hey bro. My phone is completely dead. Do you mind charging it for me?" He asks sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. His eyes widen a little, and he fiddles with his fingers, "Sorry bro, don't have enough energy today." He says quietly, worried he would be mad. "Oh... Okay." Eijiro says, "I'll make another plan." He says, Denki now feeling really bad he decides to help him out anyway. He sits through the first lessons, struggling a lot more than usual to focus on them due to now being lower on energy. 

Lunch time finally comes around, and he rushes out the room and to his and Hitoshi's spot on the roof, fiddling as he waits for him, having dodged all his friends. Hitoshi eventually comes up and sits beside him, putting some food between them, knowing Denki often forgot to eat. He gently wraps an arm around him, "Hey Denks." He says softly. Denki smiles and leans into him. "Eat a bit first so you don't forget, and then you can start to tell me about what's been going on." He tells him gently. 

After eating some, Denki stops and looks up at him, waiting patiently for Hitoshi's nod, it a silent signal between them to communicate that he was listening so that Denki could start talking. He doesn't have to wait long for it to come. He takes a deep breath to prepare himself before beginning, "So um, I got a new hyper fixation.  It's this show and I was telling the bakusquad yesterday before school and I thought they seemed interested but when Mina arrived, she kind of cut me off and started talking about something else and no one seemed to notice or care which really hurt...." He mumbles, "Later we were having a group discussion, and I was answering a question, then Katsuki cut me off, giving the same answer I was giving... I also started talking to Eijiro, and he kind of just... stopped listening to me..." He mumbles, "I... I know it's stupid, but... it hurts.... I just... Do I matter that little that they can't even pretend to listen or care...? I can't help but wonder if they would care if I just.... stopped talking... it's not like they care what I have to say anyway..." He sniffles softly, "Mom has also been really busy with patrols, so she's not really home much in the evenings... and I've just had a couple really bad weeks..." He mumbles miserably

Hitoshi frowns, really worried about him, "Oh Denki..." He says softly, holding him close. Denki cries quietly into his chest, gripping his shirt. He continues to hold him for as long as he needs. 

A/N- No, you don't get a happy ending. So.... this was kind of based on how my life has been going. Life has been absolute shit. I did, of course, add in and minus bits from how it's been in my life, but umm, yeah. I'm pretty sure I have adhd but you need to be diagnosed and for starters I don't know how to do that and secondly when I was trying to drop hints to my mother she agreed I might have it but then says no teacher had mentioned it be like no shit I'm the fucking loner why would they give any shits they don't even notice when I'm not there and then she tells me I'm spending too much time watching these things. I'm just trying to find out what's wrong with me. Anywhoooo.... Yeah... Hope you enjoyed?

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⏰ Last updated: Oct 28, 2023 ⏰

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