THE HEART KNOWS IT'S WAY

40. Green Diary

Ishitha's pov:

The spread papers are nothing but poses of sex from a very famous book called sex life, there are many like them.

But why did he has them in the first place?

I picked them up and saw underlined names of poses

I open the green dairy

On first paper it's written like

1.Date

2.kiss

3.Getting close

4.sex

5.confess

A tick with blue pen beside the first four points but not beside the fifth point confess

What the heck is this? I flipped the pages

He wrote every point on separate paper again
With small stick notes attached saying do's and don't on either side of each page

Tears didn't stop flowing from my eyes. reading them all clearly made me realise one thing

He did highlight many points from difference magazines and booklets regarding information on relationships

I can't believe my eyes

He said he is reading books on relationship and parenthood,is this what he meant?

The booklets are about maintaining a healthy sex life

Why does he need a book to love me? Why does he wrote them all in step wise in a fucking book?

Does that mean? All of this a plan?

To make me feel loved?

Is there any true love between us?

I can't believe the days we spent were all pre planned.

In one page there is a clip from booklet saying

'Ask whether your partner is into bdsm'

I choked back a sob remembering the day when he asked me about this
Bdsm thing

I didn't think the reason then

Maybe I am foolishly in love with him that my brain stopped working

Slowly everything starting connecting dots itself

He acted every time like he was happy with me? Yes

He made up all this to make it look like we are a perfect husband and wife

I lived a lie

All this is a big fat ass lie

He is not in love with me,
never can be.