Chapter 4: February 14th

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Wednesday, February 14th

July 25th, 2022

Dear Diary, Ig.
Do you know how bad I am at keeping things up? I always forget I swear.

Anyway as I was looking through my three entries I remembered I had been doing a health update. That I don't wanna do but whatever. I should try to keep a schedule.

Weight: 160 pounds
Height: 5'7 3/4
Name: Varian
Pronouns: He/They
Age: 15
PRIDE: Marsic, demiromantic, ageosexual, demisexual, demiboy
Metal shit: depression, anxiety and undiagnosed something. I bet it's ADHD AND Autism
Relationship status: single and crushing

SHT (self harm thoughts because I improved): too many times to count I swear.
SST: 3 times a day

So not much has changed lol. I mean I got better so I don't sh anymore. I'm not that interested in girls, I honestly don't know if I am but Marsic covers everything but girls but I'll date fluid and non-binary people. But anyways, I've gained 10 pounds which sucks cuz it went to my thighs again. (Kill me) oh! I did a lot of research and I'm showing signs of autism or ADHD but knowing my luck I probs got both. But I'll never get checked sooooo. Anyway I have a crush on Benji. All the friendly thoughts that I thought were just things to think about your friends are crush thoughts so that's fun. Still have depression and anxiety so that's fun.Please kill me I'm so tired of this shit.

Noah was so slow, oh my god. He wouldn't let himself believe he was liked unless it was spelled out for him, twice. I close his journal and get ready for the day. Benji is supposed to come over today and watch movies with us.

Knock knock

"Come in!" I yell. The door opens and Benji and Ash walk in.

"Make yourselves comfortable." I put in Tangled and sat in between Cilan and Benji. I pull Benji down so he's laying in my lap before leaning onto Cilan. I play with Benji's hair as the movie starts.

"Noah was right. Mother Gothel is hot holy shit."

"Ash shut the fuck up."

"I mean, at least it wasn't the horse."

"Finn, don't even." I can feel Benji shaking and feel the tears land on my lap. I don't know if they are from happiness or not but I don't bring it up.

"Avery is just short haired Rapunzel."

"Does that make me Flynn?"

Benji lifts his head and makes eye contact with Cilan. "No."

"Avery! When you sing does your hair glow?"

"Ash, stop asking me, please."

Finn gets up to change the movie. This time, it's Heathers.

"JD and Veronica are very hot."

"We aren't blind Ash."

"I must be 'cause JD IS A FUCKING MURDERER!" I yell.

"A hot murderer." Benji points out.

"That doesn't help Ben."

"Yes it does." Finn points out.

Finn changes the movie to Lilo and Stitch.

"Yo, Nani kinda hot."

"Mommy? Sorry, mommy? Sorry, mommy?"

"Ash if you don't shut up."

"But he's right!"

"I don't care, I'm trying to watch the trans alien."

"Genderfluid alien."

"Whatever."

"Yo why is Lilo such an ass to Nani?"

"'cause she's the little sister, duh."

"It's still very mean."

"Shut up only children."

"Yo, you know how Bubbles is actually an agent? What if that's 'cause Lilo's parents are actually agents who had died and their death was a cover up?."

"Benji, please seek help."

"That life guard is kinda hot."

"Avery, shut the fuck up with your gay ass."

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