SOLIPSISM - the belief that everything around you was created by your mind.
Brody and Sam are both young with struggles and secrets.
Sam is a professional Ice hockey player on the number one team at his rink. He works hard for what he has and his t...
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SAM TAHEY
Trigger warning: drugs and alcohol abuse, SH
The car vibrates beneath me, the low rumble of the engine fills the silence. Today is the day; we are on our way to the psych hospital, the rest of the team trailing behind us in their own cars. Brody sits in the passenger seat, her leg bouncing with anxiety under my palm.
My forehead is creased in worry, there's nothing I can do to help her until she sees her sister. It hurts seeing her scared, as if a weight is on my chest stopping me from breathing. The pain of seeing her anxious but also the pain of knowing she kept yet another secret from me. We promised to never keep secrets from one another again, now all I can think about is if she has anymore.
I readjust myself in the leather drivers seat, my body uncomfortable as I get pulled further into my thoughts. My muscles tense, bones aching, heart racing. She would hate me if I pressured her to tell me something traumatic from her past, and I would never do that. But I cant shake the feeling, the constant thought on my mind. There's so many secrets.
The sat-nav giving the final directions pulls me out of my thoughts, finally. "In 100 yards take a left turn", the monotone voice being the only voice to fill the car. We haven't talked since the doors surrounding us closed, the air tense as she panics and I attempt to remain calm for her. I cant be weak right now, she needs me. I cant hate her for keeping it a secret, I hope she doesn't hate me.
The gravel crunches under the tyres as multiple cars enter the small car park, the hospital obviously not used to many visitors. From the outside it looks like a hospital, I thought it might be more homely for an inpatient clinic, I was wrong. Signs cover the front wall, directions being given: no unauthorised access, visitors entrance, trespassers will be prosecuted, no weapons, drugs or alcohol allowed on site. Every inch of the outside filled with bright coloured plastic giving orders.
My mind is conflicted over the appearance of the place. Yes, behind those doors are people who are unwell and need help and protection, but will controlling their every move really help them recover or just make them need to keep returning as they cant handle the outside world. I hope the inside is different, I really do.
Looking over to Brody to see her panic heightened. She's scared of what shes going to see, what her sister will be like, if her sister will hate or remember her, I can see it in her eyes. This time I didn't need to look, she had told me last night what was on her mind. She thinks the people inside have seen the media, that they will think she needs to be locked away too, to be controlled.
I give her thigh a light squeeze in comfort, "it will all be alright. We are all here with you Ok?" I pull head forehead to rest on my own, keeping my demeanour calm as she stares into my eyes with her own anxiety ridden ones. "We are family, remember that. If things get hard in there, remember our connection will never be broken no matter what ok?", she nods her head in response, her breath fanning my face as she finally calms slightly.
