My Lifeline

5

I'm sitting on the concrete stairs outside of school at lunch time, by myself with only a book in my hand and earphones smothering my ears.

Every now and again, I lift my eyes and gaze around the grey area which is deserted due to the cold weather which all students seem to hate. I'm one of those students, but I'd rather sit in the cold than surround myself with people who don't even know my name. I've been going to school with some of these people for years, yet they stare at me like a blank canvas.

Derek McKenzie, who I've known since year seven and have sat next to in five different classes, was paired up with me the other day for a project and thought that I was new to the school. He was mortified when I informed him that I had been at that school with him since the age of eleven. Then he apologised a few times and forgot about my existence all over again.

I turn the page of my book and read over the small words that are printed into it, I get so lost in what I'm reading that I almost don't realise the multiple footsteps that are travelling in my direction. Without looking up, I shuffle over and make room so they can open the door to get out of the cold which is burning my fingertips.

Three people pass me on the stairs, but the fourth person halts beside me, their Nike trainers suddenly turning in my direction. I try to shrivel myself up as much as possible, hoping I'll become invisible to whoever it is.

"I'll catch you guys up," he calls out to his friends, and I instantly recognise his voice. It's not deep, but it's not high-pitched either. It's somewhere in the middle.

I feel Will's presence as he takes a seat beside me on the stairs and says nothing. There's a black T-shirt covering the top half of his body. I can see the long hairs of goosebumps that have lifted all over them.

"Whatcha reading?" he asks, looking over my shoulder to get a better look.

I tilt the book in his direction so he can view the pages with more ease.

Without warning, he reaches over and takes the book into his own hands, making sure to save the page I was on with his thumb before he flips to the front and reads the cover.

"All The Bright Places," he mutters to himself. He looks me in the eyes and has a look on his face that I can't register. After a few unbearably long seconds of staring at one another, he passes back my book.

"Do you always read such sad books?" he asks, staring back to the front of him again where the school field and the woods behind it remain.

I shrug my shoulders, following his gaze. "Sometimes. Depends what sort of mood I'm in."

"And what mood are you in right now?"

His question seems like a normal one, but it's rare that someone actually asks how I'm feeling or what state of mood I'm in. His questions pulls every last spec of air out of my lungs, leaving me breathless and panicked.

I shrug again. "I don't know." It's not a lie.

Will doesn't say anything after that, and I'm so sure that it's because I've been too blunt and distant and now I've managed to piss him off altogether.

I suddenly feel guilty for doing that, so I try to match his level of effort by making conversation. "Do you always read such depressing books? You read The Fault In Our Stars."

He half smiles. "I wouldn't call that depressing. It's eye opening, bittersweet."

"Do you like the book?"

He nods and then looks back at me again. "I'm assuming you like the book as well."

"Why?"

"Because you told me the other day that it's a good book." He laughs like I've just said the funniest thing ever.