Facade

17 || hell day

tw : school shooting / gun violence       

~ Alejandra ~

I speed walk to get to the courtyard, almost running, just needing to get out of here. Out of this building, out of this city, this life. I can't take any of it.

Should I just leave?

I quickly reach the brown doors leading outside and when I open them, I find no other than Gabriel standing by the far side of the fence smoking a cigarette.

Of course this fucker is here now.

Glancing around I see nobody else is outside. Probably cause they opened the door, saw him and turned right back around.

I ignore him and walk to the opposite end of the yard, setting my bag down to look for the pre roll I got off Ziek.

Rummaging through pocket after pocket, probably looking like a mad woman, I can't remember where I put it. All I find is the green fairy designed lighter that I stole from a convenience store last summer.

Fuck.

When I get off my knees, I feel an instant wave of anger, leading me to kick my bag and then the fence.

I just needed to smoke.

To get high.

To forget.

My fingers lock behind the back of my head as I breathe hard, trying to decide if I should just go home now. If I should stop by the liquor store or go to the smoke shop off Delancey street.

"You look like hell." Gabirel's obnoxious, deep voice sounds from behind me.

The observation is obvious and in no way a help to the situation. It's clear that I'm a mess right now but somehow, he can't seem to just let me have a moment without opening his goddamn mouth.

I haven't seen or heard from him since that night in his kitchen and while it hasn't been the most important thing I've been thinking about, I won't lie and say it hasn't crossed my mind a few times.

But, I haven't thought of it the way that I did before it happened. That desire I was plagued with is gone and was merely an episode of momentary insanity.

I get those a lot.

Instead, I've only reminisced on it with a strange sense of confusion. Confused of how we got there and how he manages to fuck with my mind as much as he does. Confused about how he has me swinging from wanting to fight him to wanting to fuck him.

So, with a simple recap of the night we had and the anger I feel now, I slowly put my hands at my sides, not seeing any reason why I shouldn't take out my anger on this moron.

I turn to face him while he leans on the fence a few feet away. The rage coursing through me gets the better of me when seeing his stupid, calm demeanor, causing me to stomp towards him like an angry child and stop once I'm right in his face.

"Fuck you." I spit.

He doesn't flinch. Doesn't even bat an eye.