Miscellaneous

XII- Charmaine

Being number one nowadays doesn't come handy except in minor situations. You might think just because you're the "greatest" you will be at least slightly above the rest. Except, you aren't, and it turns out this is just a matter of who's a bigger narcissist.

We all have egos, it's the harsh truth, but some stroke and polish their egos until their hands ache. Then their hands ache from all the doing, so they fall apart under the smallest levels of criticism.

People like that aren't cold, solid, stainless steel. Most importantly, people like that aren't going anywhere special in life.

But, do you ever wonder, how does someone go from who they were into this new person gripping a sharp, double edged sword? I wonder all the time how some people strive to be all the amazing things in life yet they're digging their skin with that double edged sword that later on causes their downfall.

Which kind of brings me to question Michael. He's been talking about his life recently since our split and it seems like he's just killing himself slowly over a girl wouldn't care enough to tell him when she's leaving or coming back.

"We've got a game later today, against the Thunderducks. You're gonna be there, yeah?" He faces me as if he's making sure that I can't say no. That's something Michael does alot, staring or pleading when he wants an outright 'yes' because he knows I will always agree if I'm put on the spot like that.

I look away to avoid falling for his trap, "I'll see if I can show up." Quite frankly, he knows that's a subtle no, except that he doesn't seem to acknowledge it.

He pulls me in swiftly by the waist. Our sides are pressed together and if I wanted to, I could rest my head on his shoulder or even get down to hear his heartbeat. He has a slightly minty breath that I can feel on top of me and an aggressively strong cologne emitting from his clothing.

"Hey listen, Carrie." He starts, "I know it's hard to say no because we just got even again but it's okay to say no."

I shrug and pretend that I'm not bothered by his pestering. There's another thing I dislike about him, all the pestering and pushing over the edge. He can't take silence for an answer, it's either you say yes or no and call it a day. He seems to believe that everyone's as straignt forward and equally strong minded as him.

"Oh so you want silence? I'll give you silence."

It's great for a while because we're just sitting there as if class isn't going to start quite soon. I get to gather my thoughts and feel like I'm still somebody, not just a self-proclaimed friendless blonde walking around all slumped over her bestfriend being absent for a day. I don't know about him or what's going through his head but he seems pretty content, holding me like I'm an anchor of some sort.

I don't like how there's barely any flaws in him, except little ones I pick on just because I want to feel better about my notorious actions in the past. The curve of his shoulder is just right for my head, his breathing is just loud enough to make me gently fall asleep, his hands don't grab onto me too harshly, and although his cologne might be too strong, it's a great scent.

On top of that, his voice sounds like a rejuvenating melody in my ears whenever he says my name or talks to me. The way he even says Carrie is enough to give me some kind of peace.

"Buddy, I hate to wake you but class in a few minutes." He whispers, thinking I probably just woke up from sleep. I flutter my eyes on purpose, sticking with his idea of me right now.

He beams at me and strangely, leans in to kiss the tip of my nose. "I couldn't help myself, sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?"

A really deep sigh, "I don't know. I just do— but get up, I can't afford us being late to any classes." He says. "Last time I missed a class, Principal Beafort yelled at me and stated that if I pull this bullshit one more time, I'm off the team."

"Oh, really?" What could I possibly say to such a statement besides such an empty response.

He nods, chuckling, "I'm dead serious. I'm not even a troublemaker at the slightest. Last issue I caused was long back in grade ten, I've been great ever since."

He's actually being honest. The last time I've heard him cause any issues was back in grade ten, when he was a hopeless cause. Not only was he a hopeless cause, he was tragic pain in the ass to everyone.

And a jackass too.

"Also Michael, I dont think I'll be there for the game." It's best if he hears it from me right now rather than have him look around the bleachers later tonight, searching for me endlessly. "But you'll still do great, right?"

Strangely, he shrugs. "I mean, sure, I will."

As much as I'd love to ask him what makes him so unsure of himself, I have no time to waste currently. So I sneak him a quick kiss and rush to my next class. Little does a single soul know, I might've walked that way, but in the span of a new minutes, I'm long gone from the hallways.

Out the front doors and then the school gates, I'm aware each camera has caught me by now but I've got a lie tucked up my sleeve for the authorities and my mother. After all, as long as I'm not doing anything harmful, there's no reason for anybody to worry.

My school shoes click as I walk faster and faster, away from the school and everything about that persona it's made me create.

It's time for the real Charmaine to shine.

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