Touching her, even at the slightest, is like to touching an electricity current in the best way possible. It might be dangerous, yes, but it sends this shock that's almost rejuvenating and I can't help but want more. The thrill in seeing her gaze fixed on mine or the growing tension between us is more than enough to put me in my place.
Usually, I would've stormed off like a touch-starved child as soon as things felt this surreal. With her, that's not an option because that would only give her the upper hand. Even when I'm the one who yearns for her like the divine being she is, she's going to be under my mercy.
Having the upper hand only ensures things don't get out of control. But what is control when I've got both my hands on her face and she's not making it easy for me to look at her like a foe? What's control when all of my rules are broken and her heart is all I want to cradle in my hands?
Truly, what's hate because this does not fit the criteria.
The moment I tell her that I know everything she's been hiding, her eyes water and her lips quiver as if I broke her heart into a million tiny peices. I can't tell if it's a facade to soften me up but it's working like a charm. It's gotten to the point where I began wishing I could take my words back.
"I know I messed up but James, I really had no intention of doing so." She starts. Isn't that what everyone says? They'll admit they messed up without taking the blame on their backs, then push the sword of guilt into your heart. They tiptoe around their words skillfully, only to wrap you with the blanket of being dumbfounded.
I know people that are like her but then-I don't.
"You sound like you're stroking my ego but I'll bite." I say. "You knew exactly what you were doing when you walked away without looking back. I watched you leave, Charmaine, I stood there and watched you."
My emotions almost slip away from my reach before I hold them back, grasping tightly as if one more display is enough to crush me. She doesn't seem to remotely notice how unbothered I am, or at least, I'm trying to be.
Instead, she, the one at fault, breaks into tears...in my arms. It felt unnatural, the way I held her steady when she abruptly decided to collapse into me. I'm not accustomed to such things, so to me, it felt like being told to perform a task without instructions.
She, on the other hand, looks like she's been doing this all her life. From the way her fists pound my chest, to the way she gradually gives up on trying to make a statement. "Why can't you be clear, huh?
"As in?"
For the first time in a while, she looks up at me with those bloodshot eyes. It almost hurts, the way the tear tracks don't even make her look unattractive, if not adding to the look. Or maybe, giving me a foreshadow of what could happen if she and I-
Scrap that.
"One second you're all 'I know what you did to me. You hurt me, how could you hurt me?' and the other you let me physically assault your chest and cry in your arms. What's real and what's not?"
There's a very strong urge encompassing me to bring her lips next to mine and tease them. Bite and work my way to a proper kiss that only leaves me breathless. Then, maybe she would know what's real and what's not.
But instead, I put on a smug look and slightly pull away. "Why does it matter, Ms. Langlais? Who's the one with the boyfriend crying in another man's arms?"
Shouldn't have said that but unfortunately, I did and the look on her face is priceless. She completely removes herself from me and it's obvious that she feels exposed, her rigid stance says it all. She looks disheveled even when she's trying to look put together, with her messy hair and bleary eyes.
Cautiously, I take a step closer and then another, until I'm standing eye to eye with her. My hands gently smooth her hair down and wipe the tears, slightly giving her eyes that racoon effect girls seem to despise. She stares down at me, lips parted as if they're awaiting me to put them in their place.
"Your hair looked like it needed a little bit of help." I casually tell her as if I'm not practically gently speaking by her ear. Her head turns to face me slowly and for a split second, I think this is it.
What a coward she is, but good thing, I love being the one to lead.
"If you're punishing me, do it some other way, please." She pleads, "Don't test me like this because it's getting really hard to stay rooted to the ground."
A laugh escapes my mouth because what kind of weak claim is that? A part of me feels bad for that loser of a boyfriend she's dating, Michael, for being betrayed like that. With his melancholic eyes and packed basketball career, the boy doesn't deserve another thing added onto his already filled plates. But then, there's other part of me that's jealous with rage because he gets to waltz around with her and I don't. He gets to say mine over and over and show her off the world as his and only his.
On second thought, she's in my presence right now, after all.
"Nobody said you needed to stay rooted to the ground right now." I tell her, as if I wasn't telling her she's at the wrong a few minutes ago.
"I need to stay here away from you. Every step I take closer to you, it's going to be farther from Mikey. I won't do that to him."
Taking a really big step, just to tease her, I flash her my most charming smile. "What if I'm the one who's taking steps closer to you? Then what happens to him?"
Morally, I know this whole situation is frowned upon. I know that I'm asking her for something that's gravely wrong but don't two wrongs make a right? Matter of fact, since when did I care about being a man of doing what's right? Especially since that incident where all of that stayed neglected behind.
Everything was neglected and left behind until she walked into my life and now every pulse is something I'm grateful for and every stitch is a reminder of why she'll someday go. Every look and every almost-kiss will be what makes me live, at least for a little while.
She takes the small step left to close the gap between us and kisses her teeth. "In that case, James, he wouldn't have to know."
Holy hell, what have I done?
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Miscellaneous
青少年小说"If money can't buy happiness, tell me why you're happier around me?" In Charmaine's heart, there's only one thing that she's reserved a place for and that's money. With that being her motto and purpose, she thrives on dating countless people of al...
