Abandon | GLEE [ON HOLD UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE]

eleven | mattress

After a couple of yearbooks were thrown onto the piano, Kurt asked, "Where's Rachel?"

Finn replied, "She's not here yet."

In turn, Kurt said to him, "Perfect." Then he told his fellow Glee Clubbers, "Glee Club stands on a delicate precipice. We have all felt the cold humiliation of a slushy in the face. But as of right now, our relative anonymity as a club shields us from more severe persecution. Swirlies, patriotic wedgies."

It was then that Mercedes asked him, "What's a patriotic wedgie?"

Finn told her, "It's when they hoist up the flagpole by your undies."

With a nod of his head, Artie said, "Strangely, it did make me feel more American."

While Christian only snorted to himself in response to Artie's words, Kurt said to them, "Based on my investigation, I am of the opinion that a yearbook photo would only fuel the flames of anti-Glee Club terror. I've done a little library research." After opening up the 1998 yearbook, Kurt said, "Peter Geller, Glee Club second tenor, 1998. He can be seen here with both a drawn-on Hitler mustache and a rice paddy hat. Shortly after the yearbook came out, Mr. Geller had a nervous breakdown. He's now the homeless man who sleeps in front of the public library."

In turn, Quinn asked him, "Patches?"

With a nod of his head, Kurt said to her, "Patches."

It was then that Brittany told them, "He barks at my mom."

While Christian only eyed Brittany with furrowed eyebrows, Kurt said, "Exhibit B. Tawny Peterson. Glee Club class of 2000. Seen here in her photo with a cartoon knife stuck in her head in a macabre tableau that in four years would prove eerily prescient. I think I speak for all of us when I say that not having to pose for a yearbook photo might be a blessing in disguise. I suggest not fighting Figgins' ruling."

It wasn't long after he said that that Mr. Schuester walked into the choir room and said to them, "Oh, hey, guys." While Kurt closed one of the yearbooks, Mr. Schuester asked them, "Ah, looking at old Thunderclaps?"

Artie told him, "It's really unsettling."

With a wag of his finger, Mr. Schuester replied, "And totally unfair." Then he turned to Kurt and asked him, "Hey, can I borrow one of these?"

After taking the yearbook out of Kurt's hand, Mr. Schuester said to them, "You know what?This year's Thunderclap is gonna have a Glee Club photo with every one of your smiling faces. You have my word on it."

As soon as Mr. Schuester had walked out of the choir room, Christian said, "It's official. I'm skipping school the day that we're supposed to be getting our pictures taken."

* * *

As he quickly walked into the choir room, Mr. Schuester said, "Hey, guys, great news. Glee Club gets a photo in the Thunderclap." While Christian only scrunched his nose at the mere thought of getting his face scratched out by at least one of the jocks that he'd gotten into a fight with ever since he was forced to attend McKinley High School, Mr. Schuester said to them, "Yep. It's gonna show everyone at this school that Glee Club is on its way up. When we win Regionals, those Claps are going to be collector's items. I mean, all of your classmates are going to be begging for your autographs. But I had to compromise to do it. Um, we only get a quarter page in the back. Which means we have to pick two team captains to appear in the photo. So, tomorrow we're gonna put it to a vote. Exciting, huh?"