One Day At a Time ✔️

Ch. 48 Worried About Each Other and Her

Ratchet's P.O.V.
The kidney infection has cleared. We're hoping to keep Jamie from getting sick again, but I'm not keeping her in the base like a prisoner. The walks are good for her, even if she's in a wheelchair. She still won't say much. Her guardians get an occasional verbal 'yes'.

I hear them trying to get her to talk, but she's not going to. I don't think they thought they'd cause her to cry. She's embarrassed having the trach, but I'm not going against protocol with something like this. Even the speech therapists at the hospital aren't sure what Jamie's guardians can do to get her to talk that the two mechs haven't been trying.
"It's ok, you know everyone is worried about you. They don't care you still have the trach in, but they want to hear you talk," Drift assures her while hugging her.
At least she's not embarrassed about the G-tube, though she's been sick or half-asleep.

We've been advised that routine is good while Jamie is recovering, though we don't have to make her nap as she recovers. Jamie is still frail and tires quickly. I watch Drift sit on the recliner, with Jamie lying on him. It's hard watching this, but I didn't see how anxious Drift is until he puts Jamie to bed and on oxygen. The thought that Megatron is hoping Jamie is hoping to die haunts him and it's hard to ignore when she's frustrated. I can tell even Crosshairs is worried, but he hides it for Drift.
"You need to relax. She's safe," Crosshairs tries to keep Drift calm, but I can tell he's worried.
Crosshairs takes Drift to my office. I sit on the recliner, able to see what's going on in my office, and watch Jamie, though she's exhausted and won't be awake for a few hours.

Crosshairs' P.O.V.
I hate how terrified he is, but so am I. This is why I have to hide my feelings. If Drift knows, then I don't think I can calm him down. I hate how he's trembling. Even while Ratchet is in Jamie's room. I don't think security in the hallway by the medbay will help him. Who can blame him for being like this? Watching the one he loves go through this scrap. I don't think I understand how he feels even if I'm his and Jamie's friend.
"Our little lady will get through this. You know how she'll respond to seeing you terrified like this."
I hug Drift, feeling him tremble. He hugs me and cries. I'm worrying he dreamt finding Jamie dead, and I didn't hear him leave the room. I don't know what to say as he asks me how I feel, and how worried he is about me.
"Don't ignore the question, Crosshairs!" He sobs, trying to sound pissed I'm trying to ignore the question.

Drift's P.O.V.
Crosshairs sighs, lets go of me, and looks out the window into the hallway and Jamie's room across the hall.
"Of course, I worry about our little lady. She's terrified we're going to abandon her. She's not talking and has been sick most of the time since she awoke from the coma. I worry what if you're right, and she's thinking death is the only way out of this? What if she can't recover?"
By now, tears roll down his face. I know Crosshairs wouldn't lie to me. The only uncertainty is if Jamie will recover. She'd be upset if she knows how worried we are about her. I hug him as tears roll down my face. It hurts that Crosshairs refused to tell me all this.
After a few minutes, Ratchet walks into his office, insisting we go relax while Jamie is asleep.

We sit on the bench, watching the ducks, but I think about the nightmare I've had the past three days. Frightening to where I need to hear Jamie's heartbeat. I don't know what I'm going to do. I need to be careful not to let Jamie see me worried or cause health issues like before. 
"What else are you not telling me?" Crosshairs asks. I ignore him, hoping he'll drop it. He's worried enough, "you're having nightmares, aren't you?"  I know he's getting frustrated, but I still ignore him. I don't know why his hug startled me. I suspect he'll refuse to go to sleep now, which is going to catch up to him. It's why I don't avoid sleep. There's too much to worry about, "you can't be mad at me for not telling you everything and not tell me everything," Crosshairs says, but I refuse to tell him.

Jamie is still asleep when we return. Ratchet is working in his office. We didn't think the terror twins would sit in Jamie's room, but they quickly leave without saying a word. 

Crosshairs' P.O.V.
I figured Drift would fall asleep quickly. I'm worried about the nightmares he's been having. I should have told him to lie down in another room, but I doubt he'd relax or fall asleep. This could turn into a disaster, but I feel that moving Jamie will be a mistake.
"How bad is it?" Ratchet asks, "is it time to consider medication?"
We know the debate humans have about using medication for anxiety and depression. Drift has support, but is it enough? 
"I don't think that will help him. He needs to see Jamie recovering, and it's been very slow.  I worry the guilt he feels will never go away, but I worry he's dealing with nightmares."
Of course, I get asked how I'm feeling about this situation. I tell Ratchet what I told Drift and that I'm more worried about my friends.
Ratchet is not liking I hide how I'm feeling, and tells me Drift and I need to communicate our feelings better even if we both know the other feels the same way as it's better for our mental health. Ratchet is concerned about Drift's sudden nightmares and I guess what they're about. I get the stethoscope from the cabinet and sit between the two beds. Hoping they Drift to calm down and listen to Jamie's heartbeat before she wakes up. 

Drift isn't asleep for long before he whimpers in his sleep. I do my best to wake him without startling him.
"Drift, she's ok," I whisper while holding his hand. He looks at me then Jamie, "here," I show him I have the stethoscope, not knowing he'd sit up and hug me. I know he's trying to be quiet.
Once he's calm, Drift takes the stethoscope to listen to Jamie's heartbeat. I worry about what has him suddenly having nightmares and needing to hear Jamie's heartbeat.
This action wakes Jamie up, which worries Drift. It's not lying to tell her we want to make sure she's not getting sick again. After Drift calms down, we get Jamie ready for a walk. Hoping she'll say something once we put the speaking valve on. I don't think I'd call her crying progress. Wish we could figure something out because this is what Drift struggles with the most.

As always, the terror twins join us. We get a smile from Jamie as I joke the twins are stocking us. The others want to spend time with her, but we are concerned about letting everyone see her when we know she feels embarrassed. For now, in the cafeteria is good enough. Even though there's worse and Jamie could have had damage to where a full recovery is impossible, this is hard to watch. We can only hope Jamie will fully recover.