Vanished

Shopping

I'd been back in Kansas for a little over a week. Nothing much had happened when I was gone or since I'd been back. Bear was excited to see me, but that could have been because of the bone I brought for him. My brother liked that he had someone to cook for him.

We'd gotten back into our routine like I'd never left. But it felt different to me. Everything felt different, and wrong.

I'd had the best weekend of my life with Ellie in Memphis, and I was so happy that we'd had a chance to reconnect, just the two of us. But I was also frustrated because we were forced to live apart when all I wanted was a chance to date her.

The worst thing, however, was the inner turmoil I'd felt ever since the waiter had cleared his throat next to me and Ellie, when we'd been out for dinner Saturday night in Memphis. I'd been so mesmerized by her that failed to notice what was happening around us. And that could be dangerous. Very dangerous.

It was like I'd lost my grasp on my own reality.

Ellie had to grab a hold of my hand and force me to stay seated at the table because I reacted like we'd been discovered. Like someone had figured out who we were and was there to take care of it. Luckily Ellie had paid better attention than I did, and had me calmed down before I made a bigger scene than I did.

It shouldn't have been anything to react to at all. A normal person would have just smiled and placed an order. But not me, and it had left me jumpier than normal.

I was back to looking over my shoulder whenever I turned a corner and constantly scanned the surrounding area to see if anything looked suspicious. I reacted on loud noises and became more anxious than I'd been in a long time, even with everything that had been going on.

However, I didn't want Ellie to worry about me, so I tried to act calmer and more comfortable than I felt, but she was on to me. The little worry wrinkle was back between her eyebrows and she studied both me and our environment carefully, almost as much as I did.

I didn't want that for her. I wanted her to have a safe and happy life. Without having to worry about what the future held, and I knew she could have that without me. I wondered over and over again whether I was selfish for staying in her life?

But I also knew that I'd never be able to let her go again. She was the one for me.

My girl.

We ended up asking for a late Sunday check out and spent most of that time in bed, wrapped up in each other. Dropping her off at the airport afterwards had broken another piece of my heart, but knowing we promised each other to try harder to get together helped.

The drive home was far from as calming as the drive to Memphis had been. I even took a couple of quick detours to make sure I wasn't followed.

The week at home dragged. I still hadn't gotten a job or even applied for one, and the long weekend in Memphis had depleted a good chunk from my bank accounts, so I needed to focus on that part of my life. But I couldn't seem to get motivated.

Then there was my brother. He tried to keep me as occupied as he could. Knowing me better than anyone else, he understood how important it was for me not to get all wrapped up in my head again. Which was why we spent the afternoon at the home improvement store in search of lightbulbs and cleaning solutions, and at the supermarket where he suddenly needed everything from clothes hangers to chewing gum.

"Since when do you have so many clothes to hang?" I asked and studied the twenty pack of non slip hangers he added to our shopping cart.

"In case you haven't noticed, there's not much storage space in this house."

I rolled my eyes, but he was right. The bedrooms had one dresser and a small closet each. It was easier to hang the clothes that trying to fold the shirts and squeeze them into tight drawers.

He laughed loudly when I added my own pack of hangers to the cart.

"We need garbage bags too," he said, "and we should get something for dinner."

"Alright." That was a good idea because we didn't have much food at home. "What do you feel like having?"

"Stir fry chicken, maybe."

I nodded. It had been some time since we had that, but it was one of his favorite meals. "Then we need to get some soy sauce."

"Okay. Lead the way."

He pushed the cart while I led us down the aisle to our multitude of choices.

"This is the one we normally use, right?" my brother asked and pointed to our normal brand.

"Yeah," I said and dropped it into the cart. "But I want something else, too. I heard that toasted sesame oil is good in stir-fry."

"Oh, yeah? Where did you hear that? On one of your cooking shows?" he teased.

I ignored him, which made him laugh, but he was right. I did watch them when I had nothing else to do.

I was going through the shelves when a couple of young boys came flying around the corner where we stood and ran laughing down the aisle. I'd been so focused on what I was doing that they startled me to the point where I jumped. Literally.

"Bro..." my brother said under his breath.

I closed my eyes for a second to give my racing heart a chance to calm down. This could not keep happening. I needed to get my shit together. I was clearly more on edge than I thought.

"It's just kids, man," my brother said. "What's going on with you?"

That was a good question. Despite being back to normalcy, I still couldn't shake the uneasiness. That feeling that something was coming, and it left me anxious.

I didn't bother responding. I just put the oil I'd searched for in to the cart.

"William!" a stern male voice shouted behind me and even though we'd been trained repeatedly not to react, my entire body froze before I slowly turned my head towards the voice at the end of the aisle.

"Bro," my brother hissed at me again. "You're Jim," he reminded me at the same time as I noticed the man walking our way at a fast pace. He looked to be a few years older than me and there was grim look on his face. His long legs ate up the floor while me and my brother just stood there next to each other and watched him come closer.

"William," the man called again. "You better stop right there!"

My heart pounded inside my chest and a side view glance at my brother showed a rigid but cautious expression on his face.

Then there was a groan at the other end of the aisle. My head swung around in time to see the older of the two boys that had run past us bend his head down in defeat.

"But dad," the smaller one whined.

"I told you two to wait for me," the man continued, solely focused on his kids. And I realized I'd overreacted. Again.

I let out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding.

"Fuck."