'We found 𝐰𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝. You and I got lost in it.'
"We will meet again, won't we?" He whispered into the night sky. In the need of reassurance, hope and love.
"We will. We will build ourselves our wonderland. A home we'll always know."
In a...
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oOoOoOo 1977:
A home we'll always know. A phrase that would not stop repeating in Peter's head ever since it had been said once, nine years ago. Nine years ago. Nine years had passed since the day he had to say goodbye to his best friend. Lovia. His home.
Many times he had come close to the feeling of home that she had once spread in him. Many times it had vanished after a certain amount of time. Only once it had continued to fill him to this day. Still different from what he had felt with Lovia, it was close. Quite similar and yet completely different. When he met the marauders, about seven years ago, his life changed in every way possible. With James, Remus and Sirius by his side, Peter turned out to be happier than he had been in a long time. And as the years went on he knew that he had found brothers that would stay with him until the very end. He had found a family. Peter did not know how he deserved to be the one finding this kind of love because he knew that it was rare. Something different from any other. And he was thankful none the less.
Still, he had never found something to replace the little hole in his heart that Lovia once filled. It had tightened and shrunken over the years but it was still there. Still as important and tiring as it had turned out the day it originated. And someday Peter had stopped searching. Searching for what would give him the satisfaction because deep down he had the feeling he would never be able to find it anyway. And maybe he didn't even want to. Maybe in the depth of his heart he just wished for it to vanish so he would not miss her anymore. So he would forget she ever existed.
Wandering through the gardens of Hogwarts, Peter took his free period to try and relax. Even if he loved his friends, because he really did, he did need time for himself sometimes.
Beside the persona he was most of the time with his friends, he didn't feel like this all the time. So fun, su happy, so joyful and like he didn't care. Because he did care. Sometime he felt like he even cared too much. Like he couldn't turn off his feelings when he really felt the need to. Peter didn't like that about himself. Beside Anamnese or Sirius who were such proud and careless people Peter wanted to have these attributes too. Wanted to not think, care or feel sometimes.
With Remus it was slightly different. Remus was a boy unlike any other. Remus had been scarred forma young age on and held this shadow above his head for years on. And even if he had learnt to hide it better but also handle it in a different way that he used to, Remus was more reserved than Peter and James. People on the outside just thought it was about him being smarter than the rest but they did not know. Didn't know the true reason. This kind of emotional validation was what connected Peter and Remus. Peter had so much going on inside his head. So many ripened thoughts and feelings that were just begging to be spoken aloud. But he wouldn't dare. Too much he was scared of what others might say or think about him. Only Remus would occasionally get to hear the silent words in his head. Because he tried. Because he understood in a way that nobody else did.
