He's gone.
The two words that haunt Steve "The Hair" Harrington's deepest dreams. When Dustin had told him that Eddie died protecting all of them, well he broke. Nothing that any of the others could do.
While cleaning out Eddie's room he finds songs...
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I sat there holding his hand. Steve Fucking Harrington. I should have been there, why did I let Robin talk me into letting him be alone...
Fuck.
I had caved after the fight with Arthur, I could see something in his eyes, he always doubted himself. Then Dustin told me he had called him out on his fear. I have never wanted to hit Dustin, but at that moment I wanted them all to stop.
It was my place to make him change, to move forward. It was not their place to push him, he couldn't take it. As strong as he was, as cool as he thinks he is, Steve Harrington was not ready to enter the grief process, inside he was a total mess.
He was non-responsive when I found him, he didn't feel me crying on him, he didn't feel the CPR, the paramedics were not kind to him. They all kept saying it was typical of a rock star to overdose, maybe it was, but fuck if I didn't still care that it was my rock star overdosing. That it was my best friend. Eddie had been there for me, I missed him so much, but right now all I can think about is that this man, this person in front of me was going to leave... that I would be alone, that I would be stuck trying to navigate this world without my friend.
I had ran over to his apartment... ironically staying with Coel would mean sharing the same floor...I had forgot to put on a shirt to... so I was shirtless and wearing old sweatpants. The chill in the air was a welcome distraction.
He still isn't moving, the machines slowly beeping was the only thing telling me he was still in this world. The ambulance was stuck in traffic, even emergency vehicles had a hard time in city traffic.
Where the fuck did he get heroine anyways? If I find out anyone helped him... well it won't be pretty. I hold his hand in both my hands now, bringing his fingers to my mouth, "I'm sorry.. fuck Steve please be okay... please don't let me be too late.."
I heard the paramedics whispering. They kept saying they knew we were a couple. Why is everything about that... why can't I just love my friend... why is it about wanting to be naked with him...
The type of friendship we have I guess is strange to others... Dustin even would question it, but not Teddy... she understood me completely... that's another puzzle. I can't talk to her right now. Do I answer as her client or just as Gareth... she was too complicated, I should have stayed in my lane, Steve is right, we aren't built for other people.
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