Oh. My. Fate?! (BL, Volume 11, Part 1)

116 Something to Be Ashamed of

Jing He froze when he felt Qiu Ling's lips on top of his hair. He raised his head and looked at him, his eyes wide. He knew he should say something but couldn't think of anything. In the end, he simply nodded.

Qiu Ling reached up and rubbed his neck before just going back to hug him. Yes, even though he had loved Jing Yi as well, he had absolutely missed Jing He throughout the whole trial. Now, they were finally together again. How could he just let him go?

Of course, he was also aware that there wouldn't be another choice if Jing He was really missing any trials. But then, this shouldn't be the case. With such a long first trial that even included matters such as ascension, regaining memories of his past self, and cursed races, there shouldn't be anything missing.

The two of them hugged in silence for a while until Jing He couldn't take it any longer. He was happy to be close to Qiu Ling but he couldn't in good conscience ignore that he was currently going against all rules of decorum. He hadn't washed or gotten dressed yet and was instead still in bed, being hugged by a man he had only an informal engagement agreement with. How could this be allowed to happen?

He slowly took back his hands but Qiu Ling didn't seem interested in doing the same and simply continued to embrace him. Looking up, Jing He even had the illusion that Qiu Ling intended to do more than just this. Of course, this couldn't be. Qiu Ling was well aware of how the gods stood to these things. He naturally wouldn't have such thoughts. Jing He couldn't believe it.

When the thought crossed his mind, he couldn't help but also think of what he had already considered yesterday: How had his behavior been while he was human? He hesitated for a moment but finally still spoke up. "This ... Qiu Ling, there is a matter I'd like to ask about."

Qiu Ling had already noticed that Jing He was pulling back but had happily ignored it, pretending not to feel it. Now that his beloved spoke up, he naturally couldn't act stupid any longer. He pulled back slightly and raised his brows. "What might be the matter?"

Jing He hesitated, afraid to provoke any memories that should better be kept buried. A millennium was a long time. As the one who had lived through that time span, Qiu Ling might not remember all the details any longer. Even though the memory of the people of the immortal races wasn't bad, not everything could be retained after all. It was different from a god who freshly received all those memories in a short amount of time and would thus have it be more present in their mind.

Unfortunately, without asking, Jing He wouldn't be able to make sure how his previous behavior had been and whether Qiu Ling's family had seen anything they shouldn't have been subjected to. Thus, he could only thicken his skin and take the risk. "Since I don't remember much yet I couldn't help but wonder whether my behavior during the trial was acceptable. I ... wouldn't have done anything to offend you, would I?"

Qiu Ling gulped when Jing He looked at him. Truth be told, the kind of thing Jing He thought he could have done to offend him ... he would have welcomed that very much in the beginning but Jing Yi coldly rejected all advances. Later, he had thought of how Jing He might react if he remembered and rejected the notion himself. Thus, nothing ever happened. Well, at least nothing that would go too far.

Qiu Ling pondered over how to say these things without making Jing He feel too self-conscious. In the end, he figured that there was no good way. "Well, you do know how we dragons get married. That ... didn't happen. As I said yesterday, we only had a ceremony according to mortal customs before the battle happened."

Jing He's cheeks flushed and he nodded hurriedly. "So it was like that." Although, to be honest, this only answered half his question. Yes, they hadn't done anything that would go past what their relationship had been at the time but ... maybe there was something else he should be ashamed of? Just because it happened, that didn't mean that the idea hadn't been there.

Jing He lowered his head, feeling that there was a chance he might have made an utter fool of himself. What if he had indeed intended to do such a thing? Maybe ... maybe he had asked for it or even begged Qiu Ling to do such things to him. Of course, Qiu Ling would reject such an idea. But then, what did he think of him now?

His fingers curled faintly, betraying his tangled mood.

Qiu Ling's lips twitched and he hurriedly reached up, cupping Jing He's cheeks and making him look up. "Don't worry. We ... well, we got along for a very long time. Throughout those years, we ... we did live together, I won't deny it. You might not be happy when you remember but don't forget that you were human at the time. The rules that count for you as a trueborn god, how could they be relevant for your human self? There is nothing to be ashamed of."

Jing He nodded even though he thought differently. The trial ... at the end of the day, it usually showed a part of yourself that you didn't dare to expose or might not have been aware of yourself. As for him, he knew that there were things in his mind he'd never dare to say out loud or act upon.

His longing for Qiu Ling was part of that. So of course, he had to worry about what might have happened during the trial. After all, with all inhibitions having been stripped away due to his memories of his immortal self being covered, how could he still act decent in front of the man he loved? Surely, even if Qiu Ling wasn't willing to admit it, he had to have done something unspeakable in these years, something he would very much feel ashamed of whenever he regained the memory.