Oh. My. Fate?! (BL, Volume 11, Part 1)

143 Not That Aware

Jing He couldn't help how torn he felt. He didn't want to. In fact, just thinking about it, he felt mortified and deeply ashamed of himself. And yet, he felt that he had to agree to this to honor the customs of the dragon race and not bring shame to his husband-to-be. How could both be reconciled?

Qiu Ling watched his expression that hadn't gotten any better and felt helpless. His words weren't reaching Jing He at all, were they? No matter what he said, Jing He would still feel compelled to go ahead with this.

It was like this now and it probably wouldn't get better later on. It might even get worse after they received his father's blessing because by then, he might feel the need to repay him somehow for the trouble the Heavenly Emperor had caused or ensure that it wouldn't be the same the other way around.

At this moment, he couldn't help but feel vexed. If Jing He didn't open up about these issues and didn't take any other options into consideration, then how could they find a way to go ahead that would satisfy both of them? He really didn't see a way to do so.

"Jing He ..." He tried to explain himself again but, in the end, he fell silent before he even really started. It wouldn't change anything. He didn't know how to make Jing He understand that it didn't matter.

Jing He looked up when Qiu Ling said his name but only found his tangled expression. Lowering his head again, he couldn't help but feel that he was already disappointing him. Surely, he was making a mountain out of nothing. The dragons wouldn't care if they saw. Why ... why couldn't he just swallow his pride and allow this to happen? Why did he have to cling to his ideals so much? If he wanted to marry into the dragon realm, he naturally had to comply with their way of living.

"I ..." He gulped and tried not to think about it too much. "I can do this. Don't worry." Yes, he still had time anyway, didn't he? He would just prepare himself well. How difficult could it be? He had played his role so well for all these years. He could get through one ceremony.

Qiu Ling raised his brows, not even sure how to answer. He felt like they were talking about two completely different things. He was trying to reassure Jing He that he didn't have to do anything but Jing He insisted on going ahead with it. Since one of them didn't want it and the other didn't require him to, why was it so difficult to come to an agreement?

He looked at Jing He in a daze and finally felt like he couldn't let things go on like this. "Jing He ..." He hesitated but then reached out, plucked An Xin from his arms, and put the flame heart on the ground. Straightening up, he pulled Jing He into his arms and looked at him deeply.

Jing He raised his head, feeling a bit better like this. Qiu Ling should appreciate him doing this. After all, his position in the dragon realm was important to him. He couldn't jeopardize that.

Qiu Ling tilted his head and then raised his brows questioningly. "You ... do understand what exactly is going to happen in the dragon realm, right?" The longer he thought about it, the more he felt unsure about this. Jing He was the type to blush and feel that he was behaving indecently when he tried to kiss him. Sure, at that time, they would be legally wedded spouses but ... surely, his reaction to being seen while doing even more intimate actions with him shouldn't be 'I'll try my best to comply'? In that case ... could it be he wasn't really aware of how far this would go?

Jing He's cheeks immediately reddened again when Qiu Ling asked him this directly and he hastily looked down, his fingers tensing around the fabric of Qiu Ling's robe. "I ... I am aware."

Yes, he might not know much about these things but he at least had a vague idea of what awaited him. After getting married, all the things that had been taboo between them before should be allowed then. Lying in Qiu Ling's embrace, kissing, or doing even more intimate things, none of it should be a problem.

Qiu Ling only tilted his head though. "Do you really?" Actually, after asking the question, he felt more and more that his beloved probably shouldn't.

Jing He didn't really have many people he was close to. In fact, there should only be his parents and uncle. And, well, between his over-protective father who wouldn't admit that his son was already involved with somebody even over his dead body, his notoriously single uncle, and a mother who didn't seem to care for her own husband very much ... who would talk to him about these things?

If nobody said anything, then what other way was there for him to know? Maybe he could have read it in a book but knowing Jing He, he wouldn't be caught dead with a volume about such things in his hands. If he found it, he'd probably put it right back without even sneaking a peek. So ... how aware was he really?

He thought for a moment and then reached up, gently tilting Jing He's head up. "Be honest with me. Have you ... I mean, has anybody actually told you?"

Being held like this, Jing He could only look at Qiu Ling. Seeing his questioning gaze, his heart suddenly accelerated. Did he really know? Well ... maybe ... maybe he wasn't fully aware? Admitting this though ... it wasn't easy to do. He didn't want to seem naive in front of Qiu Ling. "I ... I heard some things. You don't need to worry."

Unfortunately for him, his expression really didn't say that he knew. Instead, he looked a little lost at this moment.