all the things i never said

moving on

And you know, when you love someone, you don't really hate them for breaking your heart. You feel something much worse. You start to doubt yourself. You start to think if you ever were enough or if you ever will be. Everyone around you will say, he lost something so precious and he doesn't deserve you. And maybe, he doesn't. You deserve better. But it's just the fact you don't want better. You just want a chance to be with the person you love with your entire heart. And it rips your insides out clearly well knowing it won't ever happen. Everyone says that you have to move on, but how can you when every bit of you still loves him? When every bit of you is searching for a chance. You don't want him to fall in love with you. You just wish that he would on his own. But you still hold on knowing that he will never. You don't understand why yourself. What are you supposed to tell others? You try to let go, but you just can't help as your fingers scroll down the chat list, and stop when they come to his name. You just can't help when you type something as ridiculous as just a 'hey, how are you doing?' But then, the sun comes up and reality sets in. You never send that message. Instead, you scroll upwards, first laughing and then crying about how stupid you both once were. How special your bond was. How he made you feel like the most special girl in his life. But you know as you go on, what else you realise? You also realise how you were the only one making efforts. And that just hurts you more. So you stop scrolling, you put down your phone and maybe have a breakdown. But you know, it'll be okay.