BEWARE C.G.

41. Going Celibate

Bella had gave in again. She always did that, the night after she fucked Carl in the hot tub she went home and punched a hole in the wall. She had no impulse control and once again it was biting her in the ass. The teen used to find it romantic, how no matter what happened she always wanted him. Now she found it annoying, she didn't want to be so attached to him. But she was and felt like there was nothing she could do. She told V about what happened and earned a (much deserved) smack upside the head. She wished that she would listen to V more often.

Self-control, she had been working on it for months and yet it was all gone. She had been avoiding Carl for the past week, considering that the last time she saw him she just couldn't help but get on her knees for him. Staring up at him as he blew a load on her face. How romantic.

Carl on the other hand, was hurt. All of a sudden he understood where all these girls were coming from with their stories of only being used for sex. He felt their pain and just wished Bella would look a little deeper. He hoped she could look into his soul and see that the only one for him was her. That he was more than just a friend and a good fuck. He was supposed to be her soulmate.

However it hadn't felt that way in a long time. It was his fault, for betraying her trust so many times. With Andre, going and bragging about how the two of them had fucked when she never gave him permission to speak about it. He took her virginity and wasted no time telling the world when it was her secret to keep. Then he went and fucked the girl who hated her and made both of their lives a living hell. Actually, it was a miracle Bella still talked to him at this point.

He waited for her to get home from anger management class, sitting on the steps since he no longer had the privilege of owning a key. Bella groaned at the sight of him. He was definitely persistent-she'll give him that. But these days it all felt so tired. Like she was living the same cycle over and over. And there were more important things to worry about. Like the fact that she had received an invitation in the mail to a baby shower from her father of all people. The car door slammed as she stepped out, acting as if she didn't notice her best friend sitting in front of her. She made it a point to step over him and not even look back. "Seriously Bella?" He sighed.

Pulling out her keys, she spoke. "Not now Carl. Im not in the mood"

"You can't avoid me forever!" He followed her inside the house, deciding he was going to stand his ground. "I mean last time I saw you you were really happy to see me and now you just ignore me!"

"What are you? My boyfriend?" She rolled her eyes and threw her purse on the kitchen counter. "I told you. This isn't happening" Sure Bella was acting like a bitch but she was at her breaking point. If she wasn't stern then her point would never come across. He obviously never took her words seriously and she had to ensure there was no chance of falling back into old patterns. Maybe it was wrong of her to fuck him one day then ignore him the next but there lied the very problem. As long as she let her hormones control her body, nothing would get done. She needed a complete detox of all things related to Carl Gallagher.

"Am I just a dick to you? You're my best friend not some one night stand". The boy scoffed and looked at the floor. "I know I've hurt you in the past and I know you can't just forgive me but this is really fucked up. You're using me" The Gallagher crossed his arms in disbelief.

Bella laughed, so loud she had to cover her mouth. "Yeah Carl! How's it fucking feel?! It sucks doesn't it?!" He immediately fell silent at her words, shame evident in his face. It was childish, sure. And with all of the therapy lately you would think Bella would be more mindful with her words. But she must also give herself grace. She was still in the learning process and well, she can't be perfect all the time. "But you have a point! I am letting sex and the whole stupid idea of pleasure fuck up my whole life! How pathetic is that?!" She was angry-mostly at herself for being so naive and she was most definitely taking that guilt out on Carl.