The World Will Stain Us

The Church of the Wild Ones

Andy felt sick.

CC still hadn't woken, and Andy had only his own thoughts for company. He'd been aware of Jake and Jinxx murmuring quietly to each other on the other side of the aisle a while ago, but he'd been too numb to focus on their conversation. As a matter of fact, Andy had barely registered anything on the three-hour drive, staring at CC's lifeless face and running over the same things in his mind.

He couldn't believe he'd let himself lose control. He still didn't know how it had happened―and despite Yanni's reassurances, he had no way of knowing if the girl was really okay. As yet, he didn't think she'd woken―not that he'd know anyway, shut up in CC's bunk as he was―and that thought spawned an anxiety-fueled mental prison. What if she dies, what if she doesn't recover, what if she's disabled somehow, and it's my fault, my fault, my fault.

He wished there was something to clean, something to rearrange, to take his mind off the girl and CC―oh, CC. Andy knew, logically, that the fledgling plague striking when it did had nothing to do with him, but his anxiety and the fact that his nerves were already shot from the disaster with Jasmine were trying to tell him something very different.

Andy reached out and traced his fingers down CC's arm, wishing there was something he could do to wake him up. He looked like death―which Andy supposed made sense, as he was, technically, dead―and the sight brought the memory of the drummer's turning unbidden back to his mind.

"Oh, Ceese," Andy whispered. "I wish this didn't have to happen to you. None of it―you're so kind and energetic and passionate, and to see you suffering from the same fledgling plague that struck me, that struck all of us..." He bit his lip, his fingers stilling on CC's forearm. "I hate it," he finished after a moment, quieter than before, as if the drummer was even able to hear him anyway.

Andy hesitated, knowing it was pointless talking to him, but he wondered if it might help to get his thoughts out of his head. Then he started talking, almost without meaning to, and he didn't think he could stop himself even if he tried.

"I hate all of it. And I hate myself so much for what I did to that girl, for losing control and almost turning her into a meal, because that's exactly what my sire did to me. He took advantage of my inebriated state―" Alcohol sounded like a good plan right now, not that he had the energy to go grab some― "and my foolish willingness to trust a stranger and he used me as a convenient meal. That's all I was to him, and I'm so fucking terrified, because in the moment that's all she was to me. I don't―" He cut himself off, shaking his head, studying CC's lifeless face again. "I'm so fucking scared that I'm becoming him."

He said the last part in a whisper and leaned his head back against the wall of the bunk, letting out a long breath. That was the core of it right there―his fear that he was becoming just like that vampire with the damned pretty face that had caught his attention and ended his life that night.

Andy brushed his thumb across the back of CC's hand, wishing with all his heart that he'd wake up. Again, the memory of the drummer's accidental turning came to the forefront of Andy's thoughts. He'd looked surprisingly peaceful then, too, for all that the expression as he collapsed had been one of fear.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "For all of it."

"Andy?" Jake's voice, from the end of the bunk hall it sounded like. "Kian's here. You need to be part of this."

Jake sounded about as hollow as Andy felt. I see this has been a great day for all of us so far.

"I don't want to leave CC."

"I know." There was pain in Jake's voice. "I know. But Kian wants you with us while he examines the girl."

"Jasmine," Andy mumbled. "Her name is Jasmine."