Still The One ✔

chapter 13

"Dil ke haathon,
Kaheen Duniya mein,
guzaara na raha!
Hum kisike na rahe,
Koi hamara na rahaa!!"

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25/05/11
Dear diary,

We went to the mall together. He informed that he wants to meet his friend and he doesn't want to leave me alone at home, so he asked me to accompany him. As I was bored being at home daily, I immediately accepted his offer. I opened my wardrobe to get ready quickly but I got stuck on wearing sky blue or red colour chudidar. I immediately dashed towards him to know his opinion. He suggested me to go with a red one because according to him, I look beautiful in it.

In the mall, I saw his friend Priya. He made formal introductions. Throughout the day, I saw how Priya kept falling, touching and clinging onto him. He didn't mind, how dare he?  Whenever I enter his room without knocking, he reacts as if I am gonna rape him the next second.

Bloody idiot. what does he think of himself? Why am I getting so angry at him just because he isn't saying anything to her? He even gave a compliment to her that she was looking sexy. How could he? I wish I could kill him with my bare hands and escape from the charge of murder.

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27/05/11
Dear diary,

I didn't talk to Imran throughout the week. He understood that I was angry with him for some reason. He bought my favourite chocolates without me asking him to bring. He bought me beautiful red roses. He made dinner for me. He even admitted that my silence is killing him. He doesn't know how much his efforts makes me happy. He always makes me feel that I am special. I like him.

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02/06/11
Dear diary,

I kept waiting for Imran, dialling his number. He kept rejecting my calls. He might be busy. I slept on the couch waiting for him. I woke up at 2 'O' clock in the morning hearing some shuffling sounds. I saw someone wrapped a blanket on me and I heard his voice. I went towards the kitchen to see him and his friend Priya having dinner together giggling on something. I don't know why that scenario pinched my heart. My tears kept leaking from my eyes which I am unable to stop. Damn him, I hate him diary. I hate Imran from the bottom of my heart.

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04/06/11
Dear diary,

I stopped cooking for him, I became distant from him but he kept bothering me like chewing gum. He pulled me towards him asking me what's wrong? How can I say that I don't like Priya and his closeness towards her. What rights do I have on him? He is just my friend. Wasn't he? He seemed hurt with my behaviour, he didn't talk with me further which hurt me a lot. I want to see him smile with me. My feelings are scaring me.

I baked cupcakes for him as a token of apology. With lot of pestering, he ate them but didn't praise. I kept bothering him daily talking non-stop testing his patience that now he will snap at me or at least talk with me. His ignorance is killing me. I ironed his white shirt which he threw on the floor. A few tears escaped from my eyes feeling his cruelty.

I don't know what happened to him, the next second he embraced me in his arms. I felt secure in his arms. He is my world where I can stay forever happily. The moment he kissed my forehead, I was a gone case. I love him diary. I love him so much. I love Imran. I want to scream and let the whole world know that I am in love.

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14/06/11
Dear diary,

Today I received a call from Hoor bhaji asking me how is Daniyal? I felt like someone poured a bucket of water on me waking me from the beautiful dream of my life. How can I love my husband's brother? I am married for god sake. Am I such a cheap girl? I cheated on my husband. Isn't it an extramarital affair? How can I allow someone in my life knowing that I am labelled as someone else? I feel so vulgar of myself.

I controlled my tears replying that Daniyal was fine and doing good. Hoor Bhaji rudely scolded me to give her a kid soon and get away from their lives.  I am unable to comprehend how can she talk like that? Doesn't she have a heart? Yeah, she does. There is no mistake of her, she is probably feeling that I snatched Daniyal from her. I wish I could tell her that they snatched my life from me.

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18/06/11
Dear diary,

Imran said that he can read me like an open book and yet he failed very badly. He kissed me and left me alone. He said that I am the biggest mistake of his life. He wished that I would have never entered in their happy home. He said he didn't want to see my face. He hates me as I am his sin which he committed in the heat of the moment. His words broke my heart. He pitied me. He doesn't love me diary. He hates me. I wish I could rub his touch off my lips and from my life.

I took showers so many times but his scent not leaving me. I can still feel his hands, his lips on my skin giving me goosebumps. I hate my life diary. I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up. I am not afraid of living in this big house alone anymore. I am used to the darkness and loneliness now.

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25/06/11
Dear diary,

I decided that I will get away from everyone and live my life on my terms. I want to be away from this home, from his haunting memories. I want to erase Imran from my life. I will make sure that he wouldn't come across my face ever again. I will beg Daniyal to free me from his life. I can't be his knowing that my heart belongs to someone else even though they don't value it. I will keep loving him till my last breath.

I want to get rid of the guilt that I cheated on Daniyal. What will he think when he gets to know about it? He will think so low of me. Being his wife, I lusted after his brother. I can't see that disgust look for me in the eyes of Daniyal too. He may not be a good husband, but it still doesn't justify me cheating on him. I respect him so much. I don't want to become another problem in his life.