Never Ever

12| Go a little deeper

On Saturday, I spend the morning with Addy catching up on our show and eating snacks. She snuggles beside me, her hair chaotically piled on her head and smeared chocolate on her chin. It's funny how quickly I've grown to love her company. After spending senior year closed off from the world, hanging out with Addy reminds me of the old me.

"I'm thinking we stay in tonight and cook," she says, snuggling into my arm. "Unless there's a party or something you wanna go to?"

I shrug and settle under the duvet. "Pasta night it is."

She smiles. "I'm switching it up tonight. Spaghetti Carbonara."

"Delicious."

We continue watching How to Plot A Murder, but the harder I try to concentrate, the harder it is not to think about Noah. It's been two days since he agreed to be on his best behavior, and so far, he's stuck to his word, but for how long? Sooner or later, he will do or say something to unravel me; I'm scared it will work.

As if he knows this, he sends me an Instagram message.

Pool tonight?

I glance at Addy to check if she noticed, but she's too busy staring at the screen. Returning to my phone, I type: Okay.

He sends a winky emoji in return. I roll my eyes, but something leaps inside my chest as I throw my phone aside. As much as I hate it, some part of me – no matter how small – enjoys his attention.

For a brief moment, I forget about the tv show and think about my old life, the one where I was Every Green: swim captain, team player, and straight-A student. At my peak, I'd have relished the attention of someone like Noah, but the accident changed everything. Those same guys wanting to date me soon made fun of me, which is why it's so hard to trust Noah's intentions.

Still, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't the tiniest bit excited about practice tonight. The truth is, I feel safer swimming with Noah than I do on my own, and his presence seems to calm me, makes me forget I was ever afraid – if I want to make tryouts, that's what I need.

"Ad, I have a question," I say. 

Somewhat sleepily, she says, "Mm?"

I take a breath and then, "What do you think of Noah?" 

"In what way?"

I shrug. "He sits next to me sometimes in class and asked to borrow my notes. I just wondered what you thought of him."

"As a friend? He seems like a good guy – Jesse says they're super close. As a potential love interest? No way."

I stiffen. "Why?"

Her nose scrunches, making it even more button-like. "Ever, he has a list of hookups as long as my arm. Both my arms. I don't know what he does to those girls, but I've heard that he practically has them convinced of marriage, only for him to leave them hanging. At least Jesse is upfront about not wanting anything."

It's the opposite of what I wanted to hear, which is ridiculous. I've known all along what a mistake falling for Noah would be, which is why I didn't let myself; Addy's response further confirms I was right.

I lean into her shoulder, hating the sudden knot in my stomach. "I'll be going to the gym around six," I say, but the excitement I'd had moments ago turns to dread. "I'll be back for pasta night."

Addy, half asleep by this point, mumbles what sounds like okay and settles into my shoulder, mouth open and leaving the slightest hint of dribble on my t-shirt.

Delightful.

For the rest of the day, we lounge around campus and grab lunch in the cafe before going our separate ways. Addy has a spin class and a facial to attend, so I finish my homework and head to the store to buy a few more swimsuits.