Never Ever

36| Two can keep a secret

Walking into the sports complex hand in hand with Noah is something I never knew I needed. We come to a natural stop in front of the locker rooms, where the scent of chlorine and the chatter of excited voices instantly make me feel at home.

Noah turns me around, drawing me close until I'm nestled against his chest. His hands encircle my waist, tugging me closer, sliding slightly beneath my hoodie. His warm breath brushes my face as he leans in, "You can do this. Knock 'em dead, Blue."

An army of butterflies replaces any nerves. I nod, then quickly give him a peck on the cheek like a kid sneaking a cookie from the cookie jar. Noah pulls back, sporting a grin at my unexpected display of affection. But before he can say something he knows will make me blush, I dash into the locker rooms.

Inside, a few other girls from the team are already in various states of undress. I offer a shy smile to one of the girls I recognize from tryouts – Ari, I think – before hurrying to a nearby locker to change into my swimsuit. It's a far cry from confident Captain Ever, but I'm determined not to focus on that. I made it this far by taking things one step at a time, so that's what I'll continue to do.

"Ever, right?"

I look up from adjusting my goggles and see long auburn hair followed by bright, mischievous eyes. "Yeah," I say, smiling. "Ari?"

She smiles back, pulling on her swimming cap. "You probably don't remember, but we crossed paths at Nationals once."

I don't remember, but I smile anyway. "Of course. How have you been?"

She laughs, a twinkle in her eye like she knows I'm full of shit. "Not bad – I go to UCSF now. Berkeley, right?"

"Yeah," I say, about to ask how she knew where I went, but there's no time.

"I'm glad to see you back in the pool," she says, looking over her shoulder. "I only saw you swim that once, but it stuck with me, you know? Talent like that shouldn't go to waste."

Still three steps behind her, I say, "How do you know I took time off swimming?"

"I may have stalked you online." She notices the alarm on my face and grins. "Not just you. I know pretty much everything there is to know about everyone on this team. I also had to take time off for personal reasons, so I get it."

I relax, unsure whether to be terrified or impressed. "I guess it's a fresh start for both of us then."

She picks up her goggles, holding them out like a wine glass at a toast. "To a fresh start," she says, and I clink mine with hers.

I've barely slipped on my cap when Coach Jackson walks in to give us an impassioned speech about how excited she is for those new to the team and how we're all in this together. I look around the locker room at the seven other girls I'm about to call my teammates, and I can't keep the smile off my face.

When it's time, I follow my stream of teammates onto the pool deck, hoping my nerves will settle. It's the same pool I tried out in, and despite the overwhelming anxiety, there's a strange comfort in knowing I've been here before. I climb onto the starting block, taking a deep breath before scanning the bleachers for Noah. To my surprise, I spot him right up front, seated beside Addy and Pax.

My first thought is that Addy and Pax being together can't be a good thing. My second thought is that these guys are here for me. That realization alone makes me half-tune out Coach Jackson's instructions and wave at my friends like I'm five years old again. They wave back, and I crouch into my starting position, feeling like I never left.

***

I leave practice grinning and desperate to see Noah. He's waiting in the lobby for me, standing by an oblivious Pax and an anxiety-ridden Addy, who's doing everything in her power to pretend Pax doesn't exist.