CHAPTER 44

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CHAPTER 44.

IT'S SO WARM. What is this feeling? I'm being enveloped by something so warm that I could cry. No. Actually, I'm already crying right now. This feeling is something that I've long long forgotten and know, its coming all back to me. Like it has always been like this.

Her long wavy jet black hair touching my skin as her smooth and thin arms wrapped around my small and young body.

"Helena, take care of Daddy always, okay? If I'm not there, make him smile big okay?" Her gentle voice ever so soft owned my ears, gently, breaking my young, fragile heart. A life without her, I refuse to accept so!

"Don't leave, Mom! Stay with me please." i pleaded. I'm scared. I'm so scared. I don't wanna lose her. Not again.

"Promise me, Lena. Help your Daddy, okay? You should also open yourself to him like you do with me." She smiled. It pained me to see my mother, all pale and skinny, talking like she's gonna leave and will never come back. I cried on her chest and as she hugged me as tight as she could.

"Mommy, don't leave me. Magbabait na po ako. I won't be a spoiled brat anymore. I won't shout at you, anymore. I'll be good to Daddy so.." I helplessly cried. She chuckled weakly making me weep harder.

"That's my baby. I love you so, so much."

"I love you a lot, Mom..." I desperately said, almost pleading, with my young girl voice.

"Of course, baby. Just let Mom sleep, okay? Mom's a-a bit.. tired.." Mom weakly said. I wiped my tears off and shyly nodded. Mom flashed a big smile, a warm smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"Good night, Helena." She uttered before closed her eyes in peace. I was about to push myself to leave the room when the monitor that displays the heart beat suddenly turns into a straight line and it started to beep. I watched as the private doctors rushed inside the room, trying to revive my unmoving mother, whom I'm just talking a little while.

"I'm sorry, kid. 10:32 pm. Time of death. My condolences." I can't believe what the doctor just said. Why is he saying sorry? Because he can't revive my mother? Mom.... is dead?

I stared at my mother's face, she looks very peaceful, almost as if she was just sleeping. She can't be dead. It must be a horrible joke. I was just talking to her a couple of seconds ago.

But I accept it. My chest feels so painful and my heart is breaking but my head is clear. I want to scream, cry and shout in pain but I'm calm, a well of tears rolling off my cheeks. Something inside tells me that I won't be able to stop it. That it is meant to happen. But it still hurts.

I watched as the nurses and the doctors sadly fixed their things.

"Layla! Fuck, don't touch me!"

"Calm down, sir."

"How do you expect me to fucking calm down? Layla! No, she's not yet dead! She can't be, you hear me!?" My Father angrily made his way to my mother's bed.

"Dad, just stop! Don't yell at them!" I shouted with the same amount of anger. He looked at me with his bloodshot eyes. Huminga ako ng malalim saka pinakalma ang sarili. Hindi ko na pinansin ang pananakit ng aking lalamunan sa pagpipigil ng luha.

"Dad.." I trailed, forming the right words to say in the back of my mind. "I'm here.. I'm still here so.." I bit my lips and my tiny fists clenched.

I initially meant it as a warning. He shouldn't let a child like me saw him miserable or even hear those harsh words. And deep inside, I want him to remember that I'm still here. That I'm still around and he still have me, his only daughter. I want him to realize that he's not yet alone.

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