Waltzing With Fate

Running

All I feel as I run down the sidewalk is my heart beating in my chest. He saw right through my lie. He knew that I was lying the minute I walked through the door. I was nervous when we pulled up to his house that he was going to recognize me, but I never knew that he would confront me like that. He called me a liar multiple times. I know that I lied and I know that he doesn't know that its for a good reason, but it hurts to be called a liar. I had to lie to him. If anyone outside of a select few people knew the things that I have done they would run away in fear. I have done so many things that I can't take back, and if Liam knew that his sister of all people was a monster he would never give me a chance.
Every time I am put into a situation like this I run and run until I can't run anymore. This time isn't any different because I find myself in the middle of a park with the greenest grass I have ever seen. I sit down in the grass and run my hands through it. It is soft and luscious. You would think it's fake, but somehow it's real.
I take my attention from the grass, and I turn to the creek in front of me which has a breathtaking waterfall that's not more than ten feet wide. The sound of the water from the waterfall coming in contact with the water below is such a soothing sound. The sounds that are all around me calm me and proves that some nature is still untouched and remains eye-catching.
I reach into my pocket and I move the pendant that I was given when I was little in my hand. My uncle gave it to me when I was seven, after I completed my first set of orders. It has a queen's crown on the front and a king's crown on the back. When he gave it to me he told me that I was destined for greatness in his world. His world is chaos, and he brought me into it. He trapped me in this world and I can't get out even if I try.
I have spent the past 11 years working for my uncle in his business. He deals with trained killers and weapons. He also works with those against magic in the attempt to destroy everything that mentions magic. This world wasn't supposed to have me in it. I was supposed to grow up with my mother, father and my brother in the palace. I was supposed to be learning how to be queen, but instead I have to try to survive the crazy world that my uncle brought me into. I have to try and survive while I watch the world that I was supposed to know crumbles because of my uncle.
Survival is the key to living in this world. Here people are hungry for power, and it's a world where if you don't eat you get eaten. People in my world are destined to fall into a trap that keeps them here. It's unavoidable because somewhere along the lines someone will make you an unavoidable deal. A deal that involves a sacrifice if not taken. That was how my deal worked, I did business for my uncle because it kept my brother safe. Until I made a mistake that forced me to make that sacrifice. I did everything that my uncle told me to do after that because somewhere deep down I knew that I would see my brother again.
After they told me that I visited his house in the night and I erased any memory that he had of me. Liam has the luxury of forgetting, and thats a luxury that I don't have. I can't forget the awful things I was forced to do, so I spend my nights waking up in a cold sweat because I dream of one of the many people my uncle forced me to murder.
These nightmares haunt me every minute of every day, and I don't think they will ever go away. They are of the people whose last thing they saw was my face and the lack of sympathy that it had. I see my uncle pushing me to work harder and be smarter. Telling me I am not good enough, smart enough, or fast enough. I see the man that forced me into the world of unavoidable deals and the smirk that was displayed on his face the minute I agreed. He used me to do his bidding, and he used me as his pawn in the game of power and death.
The last time he wanted me to take someone's life I took refuge with them, and they are sweet and kind, but I am out of place. They took me into a home filled with emotions I have never felt. The air there wasn't heavy with guilt and sorrow, it was filled with joy and excitement. They seem to all be filled with a sense of hope for each other, but hope is something I don't have. The weight on my shoulders feels too heavy to stay in that place with the people who don't know the pain of making someone suffer. The pain of making someone's life flash before their eyes as I stand in front of them with a gun.
Staring into the eyes of someone searching for sympathy somewhere within you is heartbreaking. It takes a little of the bravery you thought that you had away from you. It shows you what you are truly doing and it allows you to take it back or to do what you were there to do. The only times I did not complete my mission was the most recent one, and when I was told to kill a little boy when I was still in training.
In my time as a soldier I have realized that people feel differently when they are looking down the barrel of a gun. They can hate you the first minute but when you pull out a gun it all changes. They will begin to try and get themselves out of the situation they are in. I have done that a few times and since I was a kid they found a sliver of sympathy and let me live even if they left me with a few new scars.