Where love happens

Chap 9

Emiliano's POV~ 

I'm coming to realize my feelings for Dakota are not feelings I should be having. He would think I'm disgusting if he found out what I thought about him, if he found out I masturbated to him. I felt that familiar feeling of guilt creeping up my spine. God, I'm sick. I need advice on what to do but who do I even have to go to? I can't talk to Dakota and I obviously can't tell my family. Maybe I could ask Brittany for advice? I decided to send her a text asking to meet up and chat. 

A few minutes later she showed up at my house despite it being late. Once we were in my room, she asked me, " So what's up?" "I need advice on something." I admitted "Is it about Dakota?" she questioned. "How'd you know?" I remarked. "I just figured." she shrugged. "Well, after the party... I uh, realized I have feelings for him and I know It's wrong of me to feel this way. I just- I dunno.." I buried my head in my hands. "Can I ask why you like him?" she asked. I was not used to seeing her be serious so this was new. "He's just so... beautiful and funny and caring, and anytime I see his face or hear his voice my stomach flips and I get butterflies. He means so much to me. I would do anything to see his smile. He's always been there for me and he is the most important person in my life." It was quiet for a moment before Brittany spoke up. "What makes you so sure these feelings you have for him are wrong?" She implored. I didn't have the nerve to tell her exactly what I had done while thinking of him. "He's my best friend and he doesn't see me that way. He trusts me and yet I..." I trailed off " Plus, he's a man" I muttered. "Is that really such a big deal? Why does it bother you that he's a guy?" She asked. "My family would never accept that I like a guy. And I don't even know how his dad would react or how he would. They're like family to me and I can't lose them. Us being together would ruin his life. He should have the chance to marry a woman and have a family." Brittany thought for a bit before speaking, "Don't you think he should be able to choose that for himself?" I sighed "I dunno, It's not like he's gay anyway so it doesn't matter, I'm just a fucking creep." I felt myself choking up. "If being around him is hurting you this much maybe you should get some space for a bit then. Maybe get over him?" She suggested and shrugged her shoulders. "Yeah you're right." I choked back the tears threatening my eyes and kept my head down. I felt her hand on my back. "Whatever you choose to do man just know you're both still my friends." She smiled. I laughed bitterly, "Thanks Brittany. I appreciate you listening, please don't tell anyone about this, especially Dakota." I groaned. "Of course dude. Wanna go blaze, get your mind off things?" Brittany offered jingling her keys in one hand and pretending to smoke with the other. I smirked "Sure." I said standing. 

I suggest listening to Deep Sea Tundras - Chester Watson  https://youtu.be/ESRUcIccUxY

CW: mentions of getting high/ smoking weed

We drove out to a parking lot and she started rolling a joint while I chose music. I started playing Deep Sea Tundras as soon as she lit the joint. She took a long inhale from it before passing it to me. We turned up the volume and the bass and I let my mind drift. "Let's drive." she said starting her car. She opened the windows and the sun roof on her car and just drove while I smoked. This was only my third time smoking weed so I wasn't quite used to it yet. I immediately felt the overwhelming headrush of the weed (in a good way) it was followed by a slow, steady and relaxing calm. Kind of like riding a wave. You feel as though your senses are heightened as in, you are suddenly aware of how soft something is, the texture it may have, the smell of something, how beautiful something is and all. Brittany just drove and I just watched the lights passing overhead. Eventually Brittany took me home and I laid in bed listening to all the sounds around me. I felt the breeze on my face from my open window. I eventually fell asleep.