HAPPINESS IS A BUTTERFLY; ethan landry x fem!reader

CHAPTER SIX; lovers rock

"but you offered me a kiss. why?"
"such a foolish reason, i'm afraid. i just wanted to kiss you."

---

y/n's pov

"Tara, I need your help." I sighed, dropping onto her bed after I entered her bedroom in the Carpenters' apartment.

"Is this because Chad walked in on you and Ethan having sex?" She asked, not looking up from her phone as she stayed seated at her desk.

"Excuse me?" My jaw fell open. "That is NOT what happened at all."

"That's what Chad said."

"Yeah, well since when do we believe Chad? He's overreacting. We were just... making out." I groaned and covered my face. "Oh, my God. We were making out."

"'I don't like him.'" Tara mocked me, sitting down on the bed next to me.

"I don't know what to do, Tara."

"Because you like him?"

"Yes! Fuck, whatever. I like Ethan. There. You happy?" I crossed my arms and leaned back on the bed, looking down. "Because I'm not. This is really fucking hard, okay?"

Tara went quiet and I groaned.

"Fuck."

"What?"

"All of this." I rubbed my hands on my face. "I can't like Ethan."

"Why?"

"Because Wes is dead. I can't like Ethan because Wes is dead, and I'm still here."

Tara looked confused. "That seems more like a reason why you can like Ethan."

"No. Whenever I think about Ethan... I get a happy feeling. You know, butterflies and shit. Like I used to." I sighed. "But it makes me think of Wes, and I get this-- this overwhelming sense of guilt. Like, it's not fair that he's dead and I'm here moving on like he was never a part of my life. I hate it because he was a big part of my life. I loved him and now I'm starting to like someone else."

Tara wrapped her arms around me and rested her head on my shoulder as I started to cry. I leaned my head against hers as the tears spilled down my face.

"I knew Wes. And I knew how much he loved you." Tara told me. "I know he'd hate to see you like this. You won't be saying he wasn't a part of your life if you let yourself like Ethan. You'd just be saying how, even with everything being super fucked up, you're strong and you're capable of having a normal life again."

Then she held me until I stopped crying.

---

"Just a small get together, my ass." I mumbled as I limped towards Chad's dorm.

Mindy had left a few minutes earlier to 'pick up' Anika, aka going down to the floor below ours just to come back up and show Anika where Chad's dorm was.

I could tell now that she probably didn't need to do that.

What Chad told me was a 'small get together' was actually a full-blown party.

I stepped in and immediately spotted Ethan sitting on his bed in the corner. He had headphones clamped over his ears and was looking down at his phone.

It made me laugh slightly because I knew how he didn't like parties.

I turned around and headed towards Chad's side of the room quickly, avoiding him seeing me.