Once Again

Chapter 6: June 1994

"Come on, Sarah, stay." Rhys pleads batting his dark eyelashes at me dramatically. "I've got Jurassic Park and there was like one copy left out of the whole store. I even got Reality Bites because I know how much you love Ethan Hawke"
I scoff trying to pretend that Ethan Hawke isn't the reason I rent all of his movies.
"I even got popcorn and sour patch kids. Come on. I don't want to watch these by myself." He begs.
"Ok, ok," I relented.
We just spent the day at the pool with our friends. Our other friends opted to split off and go home or do other things after we were all sunburned and tired. Rhys had planned for everyone to come over to his place for a movie night afterwards, but I was the only one left.
It's not that Rhys and I had never hung out by ourselves before. It was more that somewhere between the Spring and summer, Rhys grew a couple of inches. His voice was deeper and his chest and arms had sinewy muscles where he once did not. It made my budding crush bloom and the place between my thighs tingle.
I, myself, had finally gotten my period. Unfortunately, it was during school and I had to borrow a hoodie of his to tie around my waist when I found out a little too late had stained my pants. So now he knew too. I'd grown a couple of inches as well and was no longer pudgy but gawky and gaunt. No feminine curves appeared like I thought with the onset of my period, just sharp angles and bones instead. On top of that, my parents insisted I get braces before the start of high school. I felt out of place and unattractive in this new body. Whereas Rhys just seemed to be getting more attractive.
I did my best to avoid looking at his bare chest as he played around at the pool today. I gawked at the way his broad shoulders lifted him out of the pool and the way he swung his wet golden hair out of his face. I hated that I was having these feelings about him. It was complicating things. I'd been coping with this new turn of events by just trying to avoid alone time with him this summer.
But here he was begging me to stay with him like old times and he knew I couldn't resist that damn smile. It spreads across his face as I sit down on the floor in front of him.
"You afraid I'm going to bite?" He raises an eyebrow at me when I don't sit next to him on the couch.
"No." I stammer "I'm afraid you stink because we've been at the pool all day."
"I do not stink" He scoffs, sniffing at the tshirt he's thankfully thrown on. "Smell."
He leans down, pushing the hem of his shirt at me. I already know he's not going to stink, but my brain clouds when I sniff and he smells like soap and boy. Like not a stinky boy, but a boy girls daydream about.
"Yep..." I rasp "Stink."
"Whatever." He mutters, throwing a kernel of popcorn at me. "See if I let you cuddle with me when you get scared."
"It's Jurassic Park." I say "I saw it three times at the drive-in, remember? I'm not going to get scared."
"Oh, I remember and yes you do. You hate the part where the T-Rex is chasing them." He smirks.
"That was last summer and I'm 14 now so I can handle it." I sniff.
He shakes his head and the corner of his mouth slants up giving me a sidelong glance. I'm stubborn. He knows this about me. He's just as stubborn though. We've had some pretty stupid arguments because of our hard-headedness, but one of us always inevitably gives-in, missing the other too much.
He's right. I do as he says but after the T-Rex chases them. He throws an arm over the back of the couch and I lay my head in the crook of it. This isn't unusual for us.. Rhys is a physically affectionate person and though I'm generally not I like it with him.
It's only when we start watching Reality Bites that things get weird. Neither of us have seen it so we didn't know what it was about other than it looked cool. The subject matter is awkward...One of the characters has unrequited feelings for his friend,. they cross the line, and things get awkward.
"Do you think that'll be us?" Rhys says after the scene where they're yelling at each other.
"What?" I ask peering up at him.
He unwinds from me "Like when we're adults...You'll be smart and cool and I'll be jealous and heartbroken about you dating other people."
I laugh because that just seems absurd. "I think it would likely be the other way around. You're the one with girls throwing themselves at you—"
He snorts in disagreement. I turn to face him "Rhys Bailey, there's no way you can deny that. You can't be that oblivious."
He hold up his hands in resignation "Ok, ok. Girls like to flirt with me because I'm a flirt, but that doesn't mean that I'm interested or that they even like me."
I cock an eyebrow at him "You really are oblivious." I mutter.
"What about Ben, huh?" He challenges. "I saw you two at the pool today. You guys couldn't stop touching each other."
"Ben? Ben is an even bigger flirt than you. He just kept grabbing me because he has puny noodle arms and I'm the only person he can actually throw in the pool."
He huffs and I'm taken aback by the irritation on his face.
"Is there something wrong?" I ask genuinely concerned now.
He pauses the movie and faces me. "Ben told me you and Aaron Voss made out with each other at Staci's birthday. Why didn't you tell me?"
"Ok, we kissed for like 3 seconds and I'm pretty sure it was a dare..." I roll my eyes popping a sour patch kid in my mouth.
"You think Aaron was dared to kiss you?" He asks incredulously.
"Yeah, he went up to Derek Massey and Josh Lee right after and they started laughing."
"Sarah, do you think that's just how you interpreted it? If you kissed someone and then told Rachel right after I'm sure you two would be giggling as well."
"I don't know." I shake my head. "I didn't tell you because it was embarrassing."
He's silent for a moment "Do you know what's embarrassing? I haven't kissed anyone yet." He says so softly it takes a minute for me to understand what he said.
"No way. I don't believe you."
He groans, shoving a pillow over his face "I'm serious. You think I'm a loser don't you?"
"Rhys." I push at the pillow gently trying to pry it from his face "I don't think you're a loser. Far from it. I'm just surprised. You've had plenty of opportunities."
He lets me pull the pillow down but only halfway so I can see his eyes. What parts of his face I can see are bright red.
"I've heard girls talking about it being gross because the guys they're doing it with are slobbery or using their teeth...So then when I get close to it happening I lose my nerve and think—oh shit, I don't know what I'm doing! And then I don't do it." He can barely look me in the eyes as he tells me this.
"You're overthinking it." I wave my hand dismissively "You're so worried about messing up that is what's going to mess you up."
"Oh God." He moans stuffing the pillow against his face again. "How am I supposed to stop that!"
I've kissed 2.5 guys. I say 2.5 because I don't count Aaron's short kiss. My first kiss was at a summer camp and the guy's teeth and nose kept hitting mine. The second one was Patrick Griffin the same guy who had sweaty hands. His kisses were sweet and hesitant and felt like little butterflies landing on me. I don't really consider myself an expert by any means. But I'm not afraid like Rhys is.
"Ok, look. You can try it on me and if you do it wrong I'll let you know. I can like...coach you and then maybe you won't be so nervous next time." I suggest.
He drops the pillow slowly and arches an eyebrow at me. "Sarah Bauer, are you just trying to get into my pants?"
"Shut up." I grunt hitting him with the pillow. The idea of getting into his pants causes me to squirm a little. I feel completely out of my element when he says stuff like this. I haven't "dated" anyone, which at this age means I haven't gone to the movies, the mall, held hands, or gotten asked to dances by anyone since I moved here.
"You can't laugh at me...Or tell anyone if I suck." His eyes grow dark and serious. He holds out his hand like we need to shake on it.
"Rhys, I would never do that to you." I shake his hand, promising solemnly.
He nods his head. I scoot closer to him, angling my body towards him. I start to lean in and he winces "Hang on." He says. He turns his head away and huffs into his hand trying to smell his breath and seemingly satisfied turns back around.
I smile and lean in again. I'm a breath away from his puckered lips when he flinches and backs away.
"Rhys!" I exclaim exasperated.
"What? I told you—"
I grab both sides of his face in my hands and pull him to me, planting a kiss on his lips and cutting him off. He's pursed and tight at first, but when he finally relaxes—Oh My God.
His lips are soft but firm. Full but not slobbery. There's no teeth or nose bumping. It's like we fit together. His lips mold to mine and it feels really good. I tentatively lick his bottom lip and he opens his mouth letting me in further. Our tongues slide against each other slowly. His fingers are curling against my lower back, he's pushing me further into him deepening our kiss. I hear a slight moan from him and my stomach flips.
"Rhys, is Sarah down there?" Rhys's mother Lisa calls from up the basement stairs. We pull apart quickly like we were just caught doing something bad. "Her mom says it's time to come home!"
"Ok, mom." Rhys yells back his voice strange.
I'm already looking for my belongings and gathering them up. The fog has been lifted so surely I'm feeling shy.. I avert my eyes,avoiding his as I gather my purse in my arms and walk towards the stairs.
"Hey—" Rhys takes a small jog toward me. "Was I...? Was it...?"
I blush furiously and meet his eyes trying to appear unaffected. "Yes, Rhys, you were good."
He sighs with relief, "Ok, see you tomorrow?"
"Sure." I nod.
We spent the rest of that summer "practicing." We practiced anywhere we could, though that was often his basement. Rhys had a walk-out basement with a bedroom, bathroom, and entertainment room. Everyone loved going to his house for that reason. He was basically unsupervised down there so it was a prime makeout spot.
We made out like fools but we never talked about it. We never talked about what it meant or if it meant anything. We never acknowledged that we crossed some sort of line in our friendship. We both seemed to fear having any of those discussions.We were only 14 so I don't think it even occurred to us to have those discussions. It could have saved some heartache... maybe. Heartache seemed inevitable for the two of us.
"I know you're sneaking because I'm the master of sneak. I just don't know what you're sneaking and frankly that kind of hurts my feelings." Rachel declared one day as we painted our toenails purple.
I hadn't told her or anyone for that matter. Not even my older sister and I typically tell her everything. I felt like if I said it out loud I'd have to acknowledge it and then I'd also have to explain it and...i wasn't sure i could.
"I've been kissing Rhys." I finally say avoiding her eyes.
"Kissing?" She repeats.
"Yeah, like making out." I say concentrating on my toenails as if they're a mystery to be solved.
"Oh my god. Shut up!" She exclaims pushing at me and ruining my pinky toe. I curse in protest. "Does that mean—"
"No, we're not dating. I'm not sure what we're doing. I just know that I like it and he seems to too." I shrug wiping at my pinky toe.
"You horndogs." Rachel laughs.
"It's not funny. I don't..I don't know what any of it means. I feel like once summer ends it's pretty much done. Like it's just a summer thing, and then when we start high school there's going to be so many new people and—"
"Have you talked to him?" She asks
"Well no...what exactly am I supposed to say? Hey, I like making out with you. Do you want to keep making out with me and not anyone else at high school?" I searched her face. I really am clueless.
"I don't know." She shrugs "Is that what you want?"
I sigh "Yeah, kind of."
"Then tell him that." She nudges me with her shoulder.
"I will." I nod.
Liar. I have no such plans. I'm too scared he'll say no or look at me like I've lost my damn mind, so I just hope that either he brings it up or we just keep going and things just work out. That, unfortunately, is the M.O I end up operating on for years afterward.