Once Again

Chapter 14: June 1998

Rhys, Rachel, and I throw our arms around each other grinning for our parents' cameras before throwing our caps off and cheering. We're graduating high school today.
Rhys is going to Vanderbilt University which is about 4 hours away. He secured a full scholarship for both sports and academics. He's going to school for business management. It's his dad's alma mater and the business building is, in fact, named after him. There was never a question that that's where Rhys was going to go.
Rachel has been accepted to Emory for art history and I'm attending Georgia State University for their creative writing program. Ben is attending Georgia State as well and Ryan Loyola. We all make plans to stay in touch and visit each other on weekends/holidays but I know things aren't going to be the same. I choose tonight to be happy not sad that we're all going to be splitting up soon.
Rhys and I haven't talked in a few weeks after getting into a stupid argument about how I thought he should pursue his love of literary arts and not business like his parents want him to. That pissed him off and he told me I wouldn't understand because my parents don't care what I do which pissed me off. We let bygones be bygones today when we saw each other in our cap and gowns. He hugged me after our ceremony and insisted we get pictures together.
We all have plans to attend a big graduation party at a lake house Ryan's parents rented for him and half of our class. I arrived with Antony Moretti, the cute raven haired boy I've been seeing for a few weeks. I'm under no illusion about this relationship going anywhere. Anthony is cute and fun though and I'm enjoying his company.
Rachel and Callie arrive hand and hand no longer caring what anyone thinks of them because high school is over now. The air buzzes with the excitement and promise of the future.
I notice Rhys and Ashley do not arrive together. In fact, they appear to be avoiding each other for most of the night despite the fact that last time I saw them they were very much together. Rhys's mood is also not as buoyant as the rest of us. He's brooding on an upper deck drinking a beer by himself when I finally find him.
"Hellooo, Bailey. What's with the glum mood? We're finally done with that shitty school!" I exclaim bumping him with my hip.
He grunts staring at the starry sky. "I'm leaving sooner than I thought, Sarah." He finally says.
"What? Why?" I ask, grabbing his beer and taking a sip.
"Pre-season training camp. Starts in a few weeks. I don't get much of a summer here before I'm supposed to go. I thought it would be just like a couple of weeks before school starts, but now it's almost the whole summer."
"Oh...that sucks." I grumble trying to ignore the pit that's formed in my stomach. I'd had dreams of all of us hanging at the pool and Rhys's basement in between our summer jobs before school starts.
"Yeah." He sighs.
"It's fine though. We can like...come up to see you on weekends or meet halfway to go camping—" I suggest.
"It's going to be exhausting." He shakes his head grimly. "I uh...I broke up with Ashley."
"Yeah? I thought you guys were good."
They've been dating for most of their senior year. Ashley is a pretty blonde, one of the valedictorians at our ceremony today. They seemed cute together in a mildly sickening way.
"We were. I just...I can't be tied down when I'm about to leave. It wasn't going to work. I figured it's best to end it now." He shrugs.
I don't know how he's so nonchalant about these things. He never seems too brokenhearted or at least not for long when any of these relationships ends and maybe that's because he's usually the dumper and not the dumpee.
"Yikes. So practical." I say.
"Where's lover boy?" He asks, casting me a sidelong glance.
"Anthony?" I laugh at his choice of words. "He's playing pool downstairs with Ben. Probably going to take him for all he's got. He's a bit of a pool shark."
I grab at his beer again, shaking my head at him. He's ridiculous. Always poking fun at the guys I try to date, whereas I always try to be supportive and nice to the girls he dates or at the minimum keep my mouth shut.
"You're better than him." He says.
I eye him curiously. "I know. I'm not trying to marry the guy, Rhys. We're just having fun."
"Why don't you ever like...date date anyone?" He asks me curiously.
I shrug "Unlike you, I don't have a bunch of people trying to knock down my door and...I don't know I'm picky I guess."
"Ben likes you." He says
I snort "Ben likes every girl with a pulse."
"Ben flirts with every girl with a pulse. He'd date you if you asked."
"Well I haven't asked and I won't. Ben is my friend and that's that." I swipe at his beer again and he turns to get another one from a cooler nearby. He cracks off the top and hands me my own.
"What about me?" He asks, facing me.
"What about you?"
"Ask me what I'd say if you asked me out, Sarah."
I snort, rolling my eyes. I don't understand this silly game he's playing but I'll play along because I always do.
"Ok, Rhys, what would you say if I asked you out." I say in a mocking tone.
"I'd say yes, Sarah, I'll go out with you." He steps towards me tugging gently on a lock of my hair. His voice is deep and husky and I can tell by the look in his eyes he's serious. "Ditch Anthony and I'll take you out tomorrow."
I nod dumbly, rendered speechless. He leans down and kisses my cheek, gives me a wink, and then disappears into the party.

"I'm going to barf." I told Rachel the next day.
"No you're not and ditch the butterfly clips. I like the ponytails though." She eyes my appearance the following afternoon.
"He's so much more experienced than me, Rachel!" I lament slapping my arms against my legs. "I have no idea what I'm doing!"
She flips through the latest issue of Cosmopolitan "Well this says to put a scrunchie around his dick to really drive him wild."
"What—?" I screw my face in distaste. "I'm not talking about sex, just dating...Ok, maybe sex too."
"He's a teenage boy, my guess is they're not that difficult." She shrugs tossing aside the magazine. She eyes my floral slip dress and clogs "You look like you stepped straight out of a Delia's catalog."
"Um...that's kind of exactly what I was going for." I say triumphantly.
"Remember when Rhys had coke shoot out of his nose in the lunchroom when he tried the coke and mentos challenge?" She asks, throwing her strawberry blonde hair into a ponytail.
I laugh "Yes, he complained about how his nose hurt for the rest of the day."
"Remember that kid when you feel like you're going to throw up. Coke and mentos, Sarah, coke and mentos." She nods solemnly
"Coke and mentos." I nod
And then I repeat it again when my mom yells a few minutes later that Rhys was at our door. This is Rhys the boy who broke his wrist falling out of a tree when he pretended to be Brendan Frazier for a minute. This is Rhys the guy who didn't know how to kiss until you taught him. No, don't think about kissing him. This is Rhys, the guy who couldn't spell Wednesday until a couple of years ago.
That all flies out the window when I walk into our foyer and see him in a white polo and khakis with a bouquet of daisies in his hand. His skin is tan and his hair blonder from his days lifeguarding at the pool. His eyes look almost green in the afternoon light. I take a deep breath feeling my heart skip a beat.
I turn to see my mom grinning at me knowingly. She loves Rhys. She called him "that adorable boy" for the longest time until she finally started calling him by his name. My dad is reading a book and there's a teasing glint in his eyes. He opens his mouth but my mom stops him with a steely glare.
"Don't you dare, Steven." She warns. My dad obediently closes his mouth stopping what likely was going to be some embarrassing joke.
"Hi." I say shyly
"Hi." He smiles, bending to give me a kiss on the cheek and handing me the flowers.
"These are really sweet. Thank you." I smile and hand them to my mom. He remembered I loved daisies by some offhand remark I must have made over the years.
Rhys offers me his arm and walks me to his car, opening the door for me. My mom is still grinning proudly when we drive away.
Rhys takes us to a Michelin star restaurant. I know for a fact he either had to have had reservations for months in advance or he knows someone who knows someone who was able to get us in tonight.
I smooth my dress down, eyeballing the posh women in their designer outfits around us. I'm suddenly feeling all of 18 years old.
"Stop, you look pretty." Rhys mouths across the table.
I blush and busy myself looking at the menu. My eyes feel like they're going cross eyed because I suddenly can't seem to read or understand words. I end up saying "I'll have what he's having" under duress which ends up being a mistake, because he ordered shrimp and I hate seafood.
"Just try it. I promise when you go somewhere where it's cooked right it doesn't taste so fishy." He swears.
I do as he says and am pleasantly surprised at how good it is. I eat almost all of it until I remember that he's taking us out for mini-golf after this and I don't want to be too full.
Conversation is tricky and not flowing as easily as it usually does between us. When he cracks a joke or smiles at me my lips twitch when I try to smile back.
"Are you nervous, Bauer?" He finally asks while he's trying to put a ball through an octopus windmill.
"Are you not, Bailey?" I try to joke but my voice comes out an octave too high.
"No." He says confidently, getting the ball through with one strike.
"Well I mean...I know you do this like all the time, but—"
"No, that's not why I'm not nervous." He shakes his head and then looks up at me while digging his ball out of the hole. "I'm not nervous because it's you."
I hit my ball and it bounces off the green and into a puddle nearby. I curse. He laughs, picking up my ball for me and shaking the water off of it. He walks up to me and drops it in my hand. I can feel the heat radiating off his skin and smell some sort of spicy scent that makes me want to kiss him right then and there.
"I don't know whether I should be flattered by that or not." I mutter, averting my gaze and trying to hit the ball again.
"You're Sarah Bauer, the girl who stood up in speech class and couldn't say the word rural no matter how many times she tried."
"Ugh. That was so embarrassing." I groan at the memory.
He places his hand on the small of my back and leans down to my ear "You're Sarah Bauer the first girl who made me hard."
I choke in surprise and knock the ball off the green again. "Oh"
The rest of the date is a blur because all I can think about is Rhys being hard. I wonder when that happened and what he was thinking when it did. Did he masturbate to me? I can barely look him in the eye, I'm so distracted by these thoughts and he knows it. I think that may have even been the intent. I wonder if he questions if I masturbate to him, because I have many times.
By the time I agree to return to his house with him to watch The Fifth Element the air is full of unspoken tension and promise. I'm going to lose my virginity tonight. My mind keeps telling my body and they're both excited. I'm going to lose it to Rhys. The guy I've probably imagined losing it to a hundred times over the years. Part of me knew this would always be how it would happen and the other part of me is nerve-wracked.
Rhys cuddles me to him while we watch the movie, his fingers trailing up and down my arm soothing me. He knows I'm nervous. He knows I'm a virgin. He spends the whole movie we've both seen before holding me all the way until the credits roll. He places a finger under my chin tilting my face up to him.
"I want to kiss you now." He murmurs.
"Ok" I say with what feels like a rock stuck in my throat. Coke and Mentos.
He leans down and places the gentlest kiss I've ever had except for Patrick the butterfly kisser. My stomach and heart leap in excitement.
He pulls his mouth back waiting to see if he should proceed. I close the distance between us, capturing his bottom lip with mine. He shifts his body towards me, taking my face in his hands, angling our mouths so we can have more of each other. Our tongues touch and tangle and I sigh. Love.
He's only become a better kisser since that first summer. He's practiced on a lot of girls but he's mine now. He's with me now.
His body is slowly hovering over me, pushing me onto my back. I grip at his shirt, pulling him closer to me. His hand runs along my body, his touch is light and careful. A hand moves up my stomach to cup a breast lightly. His knee is between my legs and I've been grinding into it unknowingly.
He breaks the kiss "I don't want to do this here." He says breathily "Not on the couch. Come here."
He takes my hand and leads me to his bedroom. I've been in Rhys's room a handful of times. Most of the time we stick to his rec room with the big screen tv and ping pong table. His room is clean but very boy. He's got one of those navy blue celestial comforters with the angry looking sun on his four post bed. A small bulky computer sits in the corner next to a bookshelf crammed with books. His closet door has at least 20 hats hanging on hooks trailing down it. I recognize most of the hats and some I've stolen from him on various outings. On one wall is an infamous picture of Jennifer Aniston laying on a bed with her toned naked butt sticking in the air.
I'm looking at it and thinking about my flat butt when he interrupts my thoughts by trailing warm lips up my neck. He slowly pulls the straps off my dress down my shoulders, his lips following his fingers. Rachel helped me pick out a pastel blue bra and panty set we picked out just for this occasion.
"Did you think about this, Sarah?" He whispers against my skin kissing my arm as he pulls the straps of my bra down. "Did you think about me doing this to you?"
"Yes." I sigh. His lips are so warm and soft. My skin erupts in small shivers.
He places his hands around my jaw and tilts my face so my eyes are looking up at him. "I've thought of this a hundred times."
My heart swells. The boy I've wanted for so long wants me too. I'm so ready for him. I want every inch of him pressed against every inch of me. I pull at the hem of his shirt wanting his bare skin against mine. He pulls it off, pulling me against him, the hard muscles of his chest and stomach pressed against the soft curves of mine. He walks me backwards to the bed until the back of my legs hit and I fall backwards clumsily. My cheeks color as I try to adjust my body on the bed.
He smiles at me fondly and just pauses looking at my body. He climbs over me dipping his mouth to my neck, my chest, my nipples. I gasp. Boys have touched my breasts before but I've felt nothing. I would sit and think is this supposed to feel good? Am I supposed to be feeling something? Rhys answers the questions. What he's doing to my nipples and breasts shoots straight to the heat between my legs and he has me squirming and seeking the friction of his knee again. My panties feel damp and I think he must feel that damp heat on him.
He looks down at my writhing lower body. "Show me how you like it, Sarah."
"But I—I've never done this." I say confused.
"Show me how you touch yourself...show me how you touch yourself when you think of me." He says his voice thick with desire.
I bite my lip feeling self-conscious but also thrilled at the power my body is apparently having on his voice and eyes. His kids are heavy with desire, the color smoky. I trail a hand down to under the waistband and touch where I swell.
"I need to see it, Sarah." He says his voice commanding which makes me throb even more.
I lift my hips wiggling my new Victoria Secret bikini down my legs. I feel his erection pressing against his jeans when I lift. I close my eyes feeling self-conscious. I show him how I touch myself and bring myself pleasure. He watches me silently but I can hear his voice hitching. The familiar tingle of an orgasm starts to build in my belly, a flush creeping up my chest and neck.
"Wait." Rhys breathes. "Wait. I want to come with you."
He's pushing his pants down, tearing a condom from his nightstand. I pause taking deep breaths because I'm so close to the edge. He kisses me and lines himself up with my entrance. He pushes in slowly. He's gentle and takes his time pushing into me. He's tense, holding back, I can see the tautness of his muscles straining. I gasp once he's fully in me. It hurts. I muffle my cry against his shoulder.
"Just give it a minute and if it still hurts I'll pull out, ok?" He pulls his head back, concern etched across his face. He leans down sucking at my neck and breasts again. He does this until my thighs start writhing and my breath grows heavier.
He pulls back a little and then pushes slowly back in, his eyes trained on my face. He raises an eyebrow in a silent question and I give him a small nod. He does it again and again until I adjust to him and it's no longer hurting as much.
"Tell me what will make you feel good." He rasps.
"Touch me." I say guiding his hand to that bundle of nerves that are swollen for him. He touches me the way I touched myself.
He puts more pressure into his touch and begins pumping in long fast thrusts. The tingle starts to creep up again before long. He pauses on a thrust and places a hand on my cheek.
"I love you, Sarah." He says. His eyes are so full of tenderness a tear rolls out of my eye and into my hair. "I love you. I love you." He whispers over and over again kissing me, holding me, while he thrusts until I fly apart. He follows not far behind me a low moan interrupting his last "I love you."