Once Again

Chapter 8: October 1994

We've been in high school for a couple of months now. Rhys has been busy with junior varsity soccer. He's one of the few freshmen on the team because he's that good. I'm still regulated to recreational soccer though he tried to get me to try out for the girls team. He thinks I'm good enough, but I don't feel quite brave enough to do that yet. I'm comfortable with our rec team.
The making out has stopped and I tell myself it's because he's been so busy with the team. I can't ignore that he gets just as much attention at our new high school as he did in junior high and this time from a whole new group of girls we don't even know.
He's still a big fish in a big pond. I wasn't a big fish per se in our last school, but I hung out with the mostly popular kids so I wasn't invisible. In this school I am. No one cares that I'm friends with Rhys or Ryan, who have managed to cement their popularity due to sports. No one really knows who I am at this school. Rachel has also been downgraded to invisible so we stick together.
Despite the lack of seeing each other this school year, Rhys and I have made plans to attend a Halloween party together dressed as Kurt and Courtney. His hair is almost long enough now that it kind of looks like Kurt. I look nothing like Cortney with my auburn hair and puckered mouth, but with a swipe of red lipstick and a wig I could be close enough.
It's our first big high school party and we're nervous. No basements or living rooms of people we know, this would be out in the woods with upperclassmen and this would involve alcohol not Hawaiian Punch. The only reason we know about it is because Ryan and Rhys now seem to have a ticket that goes to all of the cool places.
"Ok, we have to stick together." I tell Rachel as we get ready. "We go everywhere in twos and my sister says you don't let any guys you don't know get a drink for you."
"Ok." She nods solemnly.
My sister had "The talk" with me. You know the one that women usually have to have multiple times about anywhere men are going to be. I found out what "date rape" meant from this lecture and that my sister knew people it had happened to. She said it happens everywhere, but particularly with kids out in the woods away from adult eyes like we're about to be.
"If one of us gets uncomfortable and wants to go we'll have a codeword like...watermelon. No questions asked we just leave. Don't drink more than one cup of beer an hour and don't take anything else other than beer, ok?"
"God, what if it's gross? What if I spit it out in front of everyone and then they all know we're posers?" Rachel laments.
"You won't. Just take a sip first and then if you don't like it you can always pour it out when people aren't looking." I say,
We've never drank before. We're only 14 so it's not like we've had that many opportunities nor did we ever want to before, but turning down this party didn't feel like an option. Especially since both Rachel and I are feeling insecure about our increasingly strained friendship with Rhys and Ryan. No one warned us that high school would suddenly become a battlefield where you're warring for friendships you thought were solid.
I go into this night feeling nervous but optimistic. Rhys agreed to dress up with me in a couples costume, so maybe it would be clear to everyone that we were something. I was also hoping this would give us a chance to reconnect and maybe even touch again. I missed kissing him.
We don't see the boys right away when we get there, but we are greeted by a few older girls I know from French class who offer to get us beer. We drink the bitter watery liquid and I hate it, but I notice after it makes me feel less nervous after a while. Rachel has chosen to pour it out instead. I continue sipping because now I feel free to wander and chat.. even with strangers. Rachel hangs onto me like glue. She's not feeling as chatty.
I finally spot Ryan who is dressed as Forrest Gump. He greets us excitedly squishing us into a hug and nearly toppling us over. I realize he's drunk.
"My girls!" He slurs "Isn't this great!"
"Yeah" I nod
Rachel just makes a face.
"Where's Rhys?" I ask
"I dunno. We've been here a couple of hours so I...kind of lost track." He shrugs sloshing his beer as he tries to drink it.
"Can I have some?" Rachel pipes up
"Sure" he grins and hands her his cup. She cocks an eyebrow determinedly at me and pours half of it out when his back is turned to us before handing it back to him. She's a good friend.
"I'll stay here with him if you want to go find Rhys." She offers "Just uh...don't get near the dark parts."
I nod my head solemnly as if we're in a scary movie and I'm avoiding the monster. I wedge along the parameter of the bonfire and what I finally see makes my stomach bottom out. At first, I'm confused and think it may be someone else so I inch closer and gasp covering my mouth.
Rhys and a girl I don't recognize are pushed up against and practically laying on a truck bed heavily making out. He has her legs hitched around his hips and they're mouths are frantic like they're going to swallow each other whole. I drop my cup and walk quickly away not wanting them to see me. I suddenly wish I was actually invisible . I'm desperately trying to hold back tears.
"Hey! Aren't you in my Algebra class?" A deep voice calls out to me.
I look over to see a tall football player I recognize from Algebra. He's an upperclassman and popular. He's not bad looking. He has clear skin and light blue eyes under his wire-rimmed glasses. I sniffle and look around me.
"Yeah, you're Stephanie-" He says, coming closer.
"Sarah" I manage to say with a strangled voice.
He smacks his head "I knew that, I knew that." He comes closer and studies my face "What's wrong, darlin', are you not having fun?"
"No, not really." I say wiping at my face.
"Well it's not really a party unless someone is crying. Let's try to make that someone else and not you though, ok?" He smiles a charming smile. It makes me a little uneasy but I nod.
If I go home now all I'm going to think about is Rhys pressed up against that girl and I'll be miserable. At least here I may have a chance at distracting myself as long as I don't have to see Rhys anymore.
The upperclassman pats a seat next to him on his truck bed. "Callum." He offers his hand and helps hoist me up.
I settle down onto the lip of the truck and eye Rachel who is babysitting Ryan now.
"Do you like Dave Matthews?" He asks, pointing to his boombox.
I nod. Lie. I don't like Dave Matthews but I don't even care at this point. I feel numb and sad. The beer seems to be keeping some of the sadness from creeping in.
"Here, Stephanie. I swear I just opened it." He hands me a bottle sitting next to him in a cooler.
I sniff at it and decide it looks innocent enough. I take a small sip and determine it tastes like the other watery bitter stuff so it's probably ok.
I drink it faster than I did the first one, chasing the sadness away. Callum is talking to me but I can't really focus on what he's saying nor do I really care. I nod along and offer small signals that I'm listening, a practice I've perfected masking my ADHD over the years.
He hands me another one once he sees I drained the first one quickly. I checked my Swiss Watch and we've been here for at least an hour and a half. I try to do the calculations on that but a finding it hard to do math. After I finish the third beer, I determine I should probably take a break. I get up from the truck and go towards the bonfire moving my hips to Dave Matthews. A few others are dancing around the fire as well and I join them feeling a happy warmth spread through me now. I'm unstoppable. This night is fan-fucking-tastic. Nothing can bring me down now.
Callum must have joined me at some point because his hands are on my hips and he's swaying along with me. I smile and raise my hands up. Dave Matthews is awesome! He's now grinding into my backside and I feel his arousal poking me. My eyebrows furrow and I pull away slightly not liking that, but having a hard time focusing my thoughts and movements. Callum has my arms slung around his neck and a leg between mine. He's grinding me from the front now and I look around confused. I thought I had backed away from him. There's a couple of girls nearby looking and pointing at us.
"No" I say, shaking my head. The forest is starting to spin a bit.
"Oh come on, baby, I can make you feel real good," Callum says in my ear as his hand snakes down and cups my sex through my jeans.
"Hey! Get the fuck off of her!" I hear shouting.
Callum is on the ground with blood trickling out of his nose and he's looking at my angrily. Did I do that? And then I laugh because that's what Steve Urkel says. Someone is hoisting my arm over their shoulders and dragging me up against them. I look back at Callum on the ground confused.
"What the fuck?" The person trying to carry me swears.
I turn slowly to the direction of the voice and my face lights up. "Rhyyyss" I coo.
"Rachel, how did you guys get here?" Rhys is saying his face etched with anger.
Rachel is explaining we rode our bikes. Rhys's face, still drawn in anger, looks around for someone else he's calling out to. Some guy named Kevin who can give us all a ride home.
"I don't want to go." I protest
"Sarah, you are in no shape to be here." Rhys says to me firmly. "How much has she had to drink?"
"I just saw her drink one." Rachel's disembodied voice is saying.
"I had 4." I say holding up three fingers. Rhys swears again.
"She shouldn't be here." Rhys is saying again.
This time anger creeps into the hazy confusion. He's treating me like a child. A stupid child as if he isn't one himself. I try to push him away.
"Screw you." I slur, unsuccessfully pushing at him. He's a solid wall. "You're an asshole. You were supposed to be my Kurt...You didn't even come find us! Instead you were dry humping some ho on a truck!"
He furrowed his eyebrows and pressed me to him tighter. "Is that why you're...so drunk?"
"Pfft." I blow a raspberry trying to stand on my feet "You wish."
"Sarah." He gives me that serious dad tone of voice he sometimes gets with me.
"Rhys." I mock
"Stop it." His hands are clasped around my face now, my cheeks smooshing together, and he's tipping my head so I have to look at him "Tell me the truth."
His gold flecked hazel eyes are swimming in front of me and my vision blurs with tears. I see double of him and before I can form a coherent thought I'm retching on his pants and shoes.
I don't remember getting home after that, but Rachel tells me Rhys carried me to some guy named Kevin's car where I promptly threw up in the backseat. He corralled us all to our respective homes. Rhys and Rachel had to help Ryan into Rhys's basement.
I nurse a terrible hangover for two days and swear off alcohol forever and I stay fairly true to that by not drinking much in his school. I also steer clear of any upper-class man parties and boys named Callum in my Algebra class.
Rhys calls me but I'm not in the mood to talk because he's still dad-toning me. Flashes of the night come back and I remember how he looked pressed up against a girl who should have been me. I hang up on him telling him I'm not in the mood due to my wicked hangover and don't talk to him for a week.