Touch Of Hearts

Chapter Six

Signage

I called Herrieta later that night. She wasn't present during the meeting, so I decided to call her so we could talk about it. I have well-explained whatever discussion that we had. I did not forget to ask about the absence of ate Pillow on that meeting, since hindi ko siya nakita. I just assumed that she's got home early, since Ream and other members were already there to facilitate. Herrieta explained that they had an early family dinner, at hindi na siya nakapunta. Hindi niya pinaalam sa akin iyon, kaya ang akala ko lang hindi niya gustong sumali sa meeting.

It's already late and I couldn't sleep. I tried so, but my mind are deep awake for the reasons I can't even spell right away. It's like the thoughts in my mind were too loud that it's defeaning, and I find it hard to process it one by one.

I rose up when I could no longer push myself to sleep. I decided to go downstairs, outside, to have some fresh air, hoping that it'd atleast soothe me. I don't usually do it, but maybe, it was the deep thoughts that made me do it, and I only wanted to freshen up without these, bothering me. Mabuti kung naiintindihan ko ang mga nilalaman no'n, pero kahit ako naguguluhan. Ni hindi ko mapangalan kung ano ang mga ito.

Masyado nang malalim ang gabi para sa mga ganitong kalaliman na hindi ko rin naman magawang bigyan ng kahulugan. Ang alam ko lang, hindi ako makatutulog hangga't hindi ko naiintindihan kung ano ang bumabagabag sa akin ngayon.

Sinubukan kong maglakad-lakad, when I was already in the garden. Hindi madilim, dahil bukod sa mga ilaw na nakapalibot rito, maliwanag din ang buwan at maraming bituin. Malamig din ang ihip ng hangin. It is, I can call, a solemn night, except that my mind has its overflowing thoughts unnamed.

The unknown thoughts didn't leave my mind. It wasn't empty. I just couldn't really name whatever it is in my mind. Siguro dahil hindi angkop sa edad ko ito? O, hindi naman talaga importante, pero binabagabag ako.

Maybe, I chose it. I chose not to close my eyes and fall asleep, because I got curious about it. Maybe, I couldn't sleep because I wanted to understand these thoughts. Where are these coming from, because in the recent days, it's already there. Ngayon ko lang sinubukang i-proseso kaya hindi ko maintindihan ang nilalaman.

I lifted my head to calm my heart through gazing at the twinkling stars and brightest light of the night, the moon. The silence was too defeaning, but I wasn't scared. It was like I've been searching for it, and now that I finally found peace in it, I wanted to take every single chance of the night to savor it.

My mind were in chaos, but I feel at peace, eventually. My heart calmed down, but the thoughts didn't stop spinning around. It was bothersome but never destructive to my heart. I can still bear it. It's just that maybe, I was too overwhelmed to process it. Hindi ko pipilitin kung wala naman talaga, o, kung sa ngayon ay hindi ko pa maiintindihan ito.

I slept peacefully after a few hours of star-gazing. It's already late when I dozed off to sleep, but it's worthwhile. I was able to feel and experience the beauty of solemnity at night, and that's already wholesome. I am okay.

"Napuyat ka ba?" Iyon agad ang puna ni Luvieña pagpasok ko pa lang ng classroom.

Wala akong naging tugon kun'di kibit-balikat lang.

Nakatulog ako pero oo nga, napuyat din. Hindi ako makatulog, e.

"Na-stress ka ba sa project?" pangungulit niya pa at halos sunggaban ako para lang masagot ang tanong niya.

"Hindi pa naman nasisimulan, kaya hindi pa," tahimik kong sagot.

Ngumuso siya at marahang tumingala. Her eyes are on me. "Pero bakit mukhang puyat na puyat ka nga?"