Touch Of Hearts

Chapter Nineteen

Call

Matagal bago ko napagdesisyunang tingnan ang Facebook account ni Navy. I rarely open mine, dahil hindi ko nakahiligan. I only open messenger to check announcement from our teachers, connect with my friends and other relatives far from our residence, and randomly chatting with some people asking about me.

I scrolled down to see her posts. Dahan dahan at...kinakabahan ako. Hindi ko alam kung kailan ang huling bukas ko sa Facebook kong ito, kaya parang naninibago ako sa mga features na naroon.

Her most recent post was her picture with Gideon. It was captured by someone else, dahil nagmukha itong stolen shot sa malayo. They look happy. Especially Navy. I can see her smiles and the way she's enjoying that moment.

I stopped scrolling. Tinitigan ko ang larawang iyon. Kalaunan ay marahan kong binaba ang cellphone ko. Habang tumatagal, mas lalo ko lamang nararamdaman ang pamumuo ng matigas na bagay sa dibdib ko.

I am contemplating whether to check the comments section or not. I don't even think if it's a good idea to scroll down to read comments. Tingin ko, kung babasahin ko pa ang mga iyon, I'd feel something more within. At baka hindi pa maganda ang mararamdaman ko.

I noticed an account tagged below the caption of her post: "finally, with you." It must be Gideon's Facebook account.

Archival Gideon C. Aguerro.

Mariin kong linigilan ang sariling pindutin ang pangalan niya. I don't want to see whatever's there.

If he really meant what he told me, he won't be here smiling and looking so happy with Navy, right? Kaya alam kong nagsinungaling siya sa mga sinabi niya sa akin. Hindi ko maintindihan ang dahilan ng pagsisinungaling niya. Kung ano man ang gusto niyang mangyari, sana ay hindi ako nadadamay rito.

But who am I to even say this now? Now that I broke my walls for him. That I spent some time of my life thinking about him, despising him but deniably and lowkey hoping he's seriously honest with me about this?

Marahas akong umiling at halos padarag na itinabi ang cellphone sa bedside table. Enough with the thoughts, Phil. It's not worth your time.

Pakiramdam ko'y hindi ako matatahan ng kahit ano ngayong gabi. Kahit pa tanaw ko sa bintana ang makikislap na bituin at maliwanag na buwan, hindi no'n naiibsan ang bigat na nararamdaman ko ngayon.

Inubos ko ang oras kinakabukasan sa pag-aaral ng lyrics ng kanta. Bakante rin ang oras namin sa hapon kaya umuwi ako nang maaga. May lakad dapat kami nina Herrieta and Luvieña, but I refused to go with them. Si Navy lang ang nagpaiwan sa school ngayon. Hindi ko na inusisa kung bakit. I didn't have to know, when I already have the brightest hunch about it. At understandable naman kung hindi siya makakasama, dahil boyfriend niya si Gideon at hihintayin niyang matapos ang practice nila.

"Sure ka, hindi ka sasama? Pahinga ka, ha," si Herrieta at agad akong niyakap bago ako pumasok sa sasakyan at umuwi.

I opened my Facebook when I got home. Hindi ko matiis na hindi i-check iyon, lalo at ganitong binabagabag ako. Para bang hindi ako matatahimik nang hindi chini-check ang Facebook ni Navy.

Is it okay, right? I'll just check.

There is no new update from her. Maybe, she'll post is later? I don't know.

It's crazy, I think. Ano itong ginagawa ko ngayon? What's going on with me now? It felt wrong stalking my friend. Nagu-guilty ako kahit wala naman akong ginagawang mali. I was just checking updates from her... But do I really now know how risky it is for me? Hindi ako ganito. Dati naman ay natanggap ko nang posibleng mangyari ito. So, why is it suddenly a huge thing to me that I feel breaking any moment!