Sex & Drugs & Dungeons & Dragons

C2: Hope and Despair

The Pizza Hut was empty apart from the five teenagers sitting together playing Dungeons & Dragons across a Formica table top.

Griffin leaned forward. His green eyes flared behind his spectacles. His hair stood on end and shot out in wild directions as a result of him nervously combing back his unruly bangs with his fingers over and over again. He looked like a mad genius as he fell deep into character. His voice, though masculine, none the less captured the distress of a pained young woman. He even spoke her dialogue with a posh British accent. "The woman cries out in anguish: 'he was my father!'," Griffin said. "'He died ten days ago and the villagers were too afraid to help me bury his body. They left him there to rot!' The young woman collapses onto her canopy bed and angrily bangs her fist into the pillow as she sobs."

"Nice accent, dude," Hope remarked, impressed.

"You should hear his Scottish one," Tony remarked with pride, "he uses it for dwarves."

"What is she afraid of?" asked Derek.

"Afraid of the creatures of the night!" Griffin responded, using the young woman's voice. "Afraid of wolves that scratch every night at our door, afraid of the rabies-infected bats that choke our attic and chimney, afraid of darker creatures that shamble from the graveyard and surround this house, held back by nothing more than sacred symbols and sprigs of garlic!"

"Wait a second," asked Tony, "did she say the Burgomeister's been dead for ten days?"

"I think so," replied Cobi.

"But he sent us that letter five days ago."

"Oh shiiiit..." exhaled the boys as they realized the significance of Tony's observation.

"Why, what's the big deal?" asked Hope.

"Our characters got this letter," Tony explained, "written by the Burgomeister, begging us to come to Barovia in order to protect his daughter, that daughter." Tony pointed at Griffin.

"But if he was already dead," Derek continued, "he couldn't have sent the letter."

"Then who did?" asked Hope.

"Strahd," the boys all said together.

"He's been toying with us," explained Tony angrily. "This whole adventure has been one big trap. He lured us to Barovia so he could kill us."

Hope's eyes widened with surprise and then narrowed with an angry sense of betrayal. She turned to stare across the table at Griffin. "You pathetic little shit," she said, standing up and moving around the table toward him. "I came here under false pretenses, and now you don't even have the common decency to be honest with us?!" Hope grabbed Griffin's shirt like Wonder Woman collaring a crook in a Saturday Morning cartoon.

"What are you doing?!" interrupted Derek with alarm.

"It's not Griffin's fault!" Tony tried to explain. "He's just running the scenario!"

"Oh, no!" reacted Hope, letting go like she had just touched a hot stove. "I was just playing the game. I wasn't angry at Griffin, my character was angry at the girl." She suddenly got quiet and ashamed. "Was I doing it wrong?"

"Well usually we refer to our characters in third person," schooled Derek. "Like 'Ritter von Zeppelin says this to the girl' or 'Ritter von Zeppelin stabs the orc.' We don't actually say 'I'."

"So I was doing it wrong," said Hope, deflated.

"Actually, no," Griffin re-assured her. "You can totally refer to your character as 'I'."

"Really?" said Hope, her face lighting up.

"I don't know about that, dude," warned Derek. "We've never played like that before."

"Well, if you read the example of play in the Dungeon Master's Guide," Griffin said, "a lot of the players refer to their characters in the first person."

"Is that true?" Cobi asked Tony.

"It's true," confirmed Tony.

"And I think that's how they play at Gencon," Griffin added. "There was an article about it in Dragon Magazine."

"In that case," Hope asked, twining her fingers once more around Griffin's collar, "What did I see when I pulled down the girl's collar?"

Griffin gave a satisfied smile as he looked up at Hope. "You see four red puncture wounds up and down her neck, two here and two here." He indicated the positions on his own neck.

"Holy shit!" exclaimed Tony in shock and surprise. "She's been bitten!"

"Twice!" added Cobi.

"I get right in her face," Hope said, leaning down and pulling Griffin's collar so he has to look up at her. "You're too weak and pathetic to bury your own father. What does a powerful vampire like Strahd even see in you? He's transforming you into his thrall but you aren't even worthy of being his slave!"

"'I don't know,' the girl admits, breaking down completely. 'I am pathetic,' she says in despair. 'Help me, protect me, and I'll tell you anything!'"

"Hell yeah!" Cobi exclaimed in triumph. "Way to break the spirit of that NPC!"

"What's an NPC?" asked Hope.

"It stands for 'non-player character'," Cobi explained. "They're all the people in the world that we don't control."

"Yeah, Griffin controls them because he's the Dungeon Master."

"Sometimes they help us," Derek said, "but usually they just keep secrets from us or just lie about what's really going on. Getting them to tell the truth is really hard."

A silly grin worked its way across Hope's face. "So I did good?"

"For sure," confirmed Tony. "It probably would have taken us days before we figured out she was vampire-bit."

"The bitch would have turned on us when we were weak."

"So what do you think," probed Derek, "you having fun?"

"I am," admitted Hope, still grinning. "It's kind of like, pretending to be this character, it's kind of empowering. I get to do all the shit I can't do in real life."

"Exactly!" agreed Cobi. "Lonewolf McCain is like, he's the opposite of me. He doesn't take shit from anyone. 'Cause if he dies I can just roll up a new character."

"So what are you gonna name her?" Tony asked.

"Name who?" replied Hope.

"Your character," Derek clarified. "Every character needs a kick ass name. Her deeds are going to go down in history. Her name will be sung in epic poems by minstrels and blind poets. What will that name be?"

"I don't know..." Hope said, thinking. Then, after a moment: "Lady D'Espaire," she announced. "I'm gonna name her Lady D'Espaire."

"Lady D'Espaire," echoed Griffin, smiling slyly, "the opposite of hope."

"That's an awesome name," said Cobi.

"Well it's a helluva lot better than Lonewolf McCain."

"Screw you, Derek!" growled Cobi.

"To our newest member!" shouted Tony, raising his Pepsi in a toast. "Lady D'Espaire!"

"To Lady D'Espaire!" yelled Griffin.

"To Lady D'Espaire!" agreed Derek and Cobi in unison.

"To Lady D'Espaire!" echoed Hope, and everyone clinked their Pepsi cans.

Just then the door chimed and three sorority girls stepped inside. They had big hair, big hoop earrings and big sweaters. They looked around in confusion for someone to take their order.

"Oh, shit, I'll be right back after I take care of these poofers," Hope whispered to the boys as she stood up and turned toward the sorority sisters. "Welcome to Barovia Hut," Hope announced with a smile. "Can I take your order?"

The three sorority girls stared daggers at her. "Lame," they announced before turning around and taking their business elsewhere.

Hope and the boys busted up laughing.