One Last Smile

Entry #4

Entry #4

October 10, 2022

Right, he was gay. I'm also gay for him. Actually, I did not know how to react when Michelle broke the news in front of me. She was seemingly friends with him, and he was seemingly friendly.

I confirmed that last Friday. We were together because our student lounge had to be readied. Vaughn was adamant in finishing the output. I too was anxious that it wouldn't turn out nicely. Fortunately, it turned out more than nicely. Our Glee Club was psyched-up with their performance. Their lead guitarist was participative in our short meetings. Let's just say that we all got it covered.

Today was the event. We did it! The event was amazing. The students filled up the entire freedom wall with their unspoken thoughts. Some requested songs to be played by the glee club members. The band was superb! As officers, we sat near the left side of the stage, making sure that everyone would have a good time.

All this time, I was eyeing Kyan. He did not look gay to me, not that I know exactly the gestures of a gay person. But, if I could word it out properly, no offense, he did not frequently sway his hips. His hips neither protrude nor his chest, like those of other confident gay people. His voice wasn't a pitch higher than that of the normal pitch of men. I mean, he was only gay and not a transgender. So, it made things easy...for me, I guess?

He was gay, meaning he was into guys too. I was hoping that by means of gay only, I still had a chance. But doesn't that make me an evil person? For hoping for him to be a man once again? Does that even make sense? I'm sure people would misunderstand me easily.

That's why I wasn't vocal about it, this time. Michelle could understand me because she was patient enough. People around me, they're not very patient, and they're not good listeners. Pero, what can I do? I found him manly and handsome. He was friendly for goodness' sake! One smile could melt me, and a few smiles could liquify me.

Anyway, enough of Kyan. Kuya Dj was problematic today. He said he had a problem and he needed me to sort it out. Then, when we talked, he did not even open up about it. He dropped by sa school namin kanina. It was interesting how he could get into our school despite not being a student here. Ayon...Michelle was head over heels for my brother.

The two of us found the apple of our eye, although I seemed to find a fruity apple. Let's see what this tastes like...

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"I won't pick you up later so you take the bus. You have some money left, right?" Tumango ako at pinabilisan siyang umalis. Michelle's cheeks were red. I could see her mind with kuya Dj inside it. Kuya took one look at her and he gave me that crunched face. Ew. Pinisil ko si kuya at pinaalis na talaga siya.

"Shutangina ka, Dezryl Gaelle! Kay gwapo ng kuya mo? San siya ginawa? Anong klaseng gatas ang pina-inom ng mama mo sa kaniya? What's his soap? He smells so good. Anong brand?" Sunod-sunod na sambit ni Michelle sa'kin. I mentally rolled my eyes as I waited for her excitement to die down. Kuya was only here for a few minutes to give me the lunch he bought for me. Unang inakala niya ay manliligaw ko siya. Poor Michelle, she can't be with my brother or she'll die.

"Aigoo, Mich. Loving my brother is like loving chains and blades—"

"Exciting!"

"painful." I raised a brow at her quick response. She's so amusing. "I was going to say brutal and painful, but I'll take that into account. Exciting at first—"

"Exciting forevermore! In love na ako sa kuya mo." Wala akong nagawa kundi ang batukan siya and remind her that we still had something else to do other than discussing horrendous things about my brother. Loving someone from a broken family was never an easy subject. Only brave ones can somehow accomplish that. Most of them that do, they ended up with broken pieces of their heart.

I dodged off our topic and listened to the speaker. I would not notice that Kyan was behind me if he did not mutter a coherent expression. "Ang dugyot. Talking about a romantic love. Hello? This is a Mental Health Awareness Month event." I sneered at his comment. It pained me a little but it was true though.

"Trot, Kyan." Another one laughed. "Hoy, totoo. Palibhasa lalaki, pano naman kaming mga babae at heart?" He joked, earning hearty responses from others. Napakamot ako sa ulo. Kung ano-ano pang binabanggit niya eh nandito lang naman ako.

"Anong masasay mo madam?" Michelle whispered mischievously. She giggled as she saw my reaction. I was caught off guard. "Alexa, please play Ako Nalang by—sorry!" I pinched her side to stop her. In the end, we both caught all their attention.

After dilly-dallying, we came to stop when Kyan greeted Vaughn. If Kyan was a bundle of joy, Vaughn was a bundle of woe. They were both formidable forces. I was hoping that Kyan was not eyeing for Vaughn. Wag sana. Talo kasi ako dyan.

But it was strange. Both of them were strange to me. "Look, the guitarist winked at you. Uy, may gusto sayo..." lakas talaga ng trip niya. Nang-aasar sa akin pero siya naman talaga ang crush ko. "Mala Bright Vachirawit mega oh. Look here oh!"

I sent a glare at Michelle hoping that she would save me but pinatulan niya si Kyan. "Amat amat. Alam kong Mental Health Awareness Month event to pero kung gusto mo ang jumega ko, sayo nato!" Nagsitawanan lang sila. I looked at the lead guitarist who was laughing too. He was handsome, especially because guitarista siya. But when my eyes turned to Kyan, I knew that I had a huge fat crush on him. I smiled at the thought of him, yet I think that I looked like an idiot upon doing so. He cheekily smiled at me and wrapped his arm around me.

And oh boy, hoy my heart leaped out of joy.

_______