One Last Smile

Entry #17

Entry #17

December 4, 2022

What a big day. Today was kuya DJ's name day, or birthday in simple terms. Syempre, our extended family wanted to celebrate it in a very splendid manner...but kuya hates them or at least ayaw niya ng bonggang celebration. You know the poor guy, humble old soul.

I invited Michelle over though I hesitated to invite Kyan. I think I forgot to share this one...kuya and I had an argument two nights ago with regard to my relationship. Binigyan ako ni mama ng sign na okay lang na magkarelasyon ako—Dad's not on speaking terms with us kasi ginalit ni kuya si Dad ang bruha which she deserves anyway—but kuya disagreed, saying that I was too young to be experiencing it. He said na back in his days he focused on his studies, but I accidentally left a remark about his failed relationship which pissed him off to a greater extent. And now, he didn't want his day to be ruined.

But I still invited him over. Scratch that, Mom did ask if Kyan was invited. We were in Anzani New Mediterranean Restaurant which was located in Panorama Heights Nivel Hills—such great scenery, especially because we dined in in the early evening. The weather was windy so it was pleasant for me.

Michelle was feeling joyous as soon as she showed up in front of our doorsteps. Ang balita niya raw, inaccept na siya ni kuya sa Facebook at Instagram. She has been helplessly waiting for him to accept her requests since naka private yung mga accounts niya. She wanted to stalk him ever since she first saw him.

I never really thought much about what was going to happen today. All I wanted was true acceptance as I was hindering myself from everything that I thought I knew and understood. I had everything under control.

I thought I had everything under my control.

_______

"In love na ata yang kuya mo sa'kin, inaccept na ako!" Napalingon-lingon ako at napakati sa likod ng leeg ko. Michelle's being delusional today, rather she chose to be.

Tinapik ko yung noo niya. "He was in a weird mood this morning. Naswertehan siguro ka. Alam mo na, good sleep is equal to a good attitude." She instantly glared at me for my ridiculous comment. She went on to talk about how she tried to look good so that kuya would notice her. I told her na baka may ibang gusto si kuya but she just dismissed me saying na she could try and win him over.

"Later ha, papicture ako with your kuya, pang wallpaper lang—D-Dez...okay ka lang?" Natahimik kaming dalawa nang madatnan namin si Naomi at ang kaniyang nanay. Dad handed out his gift to kuya DJ which he reluctantly accepted. I quickly looked over our table to see my Mom had already forced a smile before she approached them. I heard her greeting them with a warm tone before she led them to our table.

"Babe, are you okay?" Only then I realized that Kyan existed...that he was with me. Dahil sa biglaang galit ko, nakalimutan kong nasa tabi ko pala siya. "This is a joint gathering and your Mom and I made efforts to accomplish this."

Kuya scoffed while throwing down Dad's gift. "It's supposed to be my birthday, not a family gathering full of outsiders—"

"Dylan, watch your mouth. That's not how you speak to your father!" The mistress quickly began to take her actions, glaring at my kuya and then at me. "Shut up, Francheska. You're not even supposed to be here, to be included in this family—" Mom loudly cleared her throat to put everyone in their place. She tilted her head to remind me to start eating.

We, of course, sang a song to kuya who seemed to be upset. His radiant smile vanished as soon as he saw Francheska, the witch. Honestly, alam ko yung nararamdaman niya. Dad took the initiative to thank the people around the table as we prayed. We then said some of our wishes before we dined. Michelle maintained talking to kuya in hopes to assure him that he should be happy during his birthday. I silently thanked her in my mind. She's not acting out because of her deep desire for my kuya; she's doing it out of empathy.

While she was speaking of peace, I was observing the sky and how it slowly began to darken, the sun, and how it sank down into the abyss and let the moon rise to show its beauty. I felt Kyan's hand on my waist. He gave me a small smile before he patted my back. "May you answer my question, now?" He whispered. I excused myself as Kyan followed me quietly, nodding to my Mom who allowed him to do so.

"It's weird that my family's rooted hatred and agony was suddenly exposed to the public. I think kuya Dj is deeply hurt right now, and I can't provide comfort for him right now. Hindi naman kasi kami ganito nuon. I just...I-I don't know what happened to the love my parents shared. I mean, what was the point of vowing that 'till death do us part' if you're not going to live up to it? They had kuya and me..." I sighed, feeling this emptiness inside me that I couldn't completely comprehend. Kyan was only giving me his undivided attention, giving me that soft eyes that spoke of understanding and empathy.

"Sorry ha? Paulit-ulit at paikot-ikot lang yung family problem naman pero masakit pa rin eh." Ipinasandal niya yung ulo ko sa dibdib niya habang sinasayaw niya ako nang mabagal. Sumakto pa yung banda na nagpatugtog nang mabagal na musika. Jazz, my Dad and I's favorite. He used to rock me when I was a baby while playing some jazz or countryside music. "In time, everything is going to be alright, baby. If you need help, I'm here. Michelle's going to be there too. Let your emotions out."

_______

"Your daughter over there is experiencing love for the first time. I suggest that you keep an eye on her while letting her do her own thing, since it's her own life." Isabella voiced out while leaning onto the armchai to watch her daughter. Edward had this dark look on his face upon looking at the boy. She patted his back before she continued to speak her heart out. "I invited you today for you to see the life that you missed. Over there, Dezryl's friend is comforting our firstborn, who missed you very much—although he doesn't know the words to describe himself."

"I have apologized about this countless times already, Isabella...I apologize." She chuckled before she sipped on her wine.

"I know. My point is, our children may never get over this, about our failed marriage and our broken family. What I'm asking you to do is to be a good father to Dylan just as how you are to Dezryl. I know about the secret money you've been giving to her and to Michelle just so she could enjoy her life, but you are being unfair to Dylan..." Isabella looked at Edward for a long time before she closed her eyes, finally letting go of her husband. Feelings may never completely vanish, but they can be overcome when understood thoroughly.

He left just in time when Dylan was about to need his father the most. His first love didn't run smoothly because he didn't have anyone to turn to. He is a man, like his father. In some ways, he may be better than him, but he is still his father's son and Dezryl is still her father's daughter, both needed him and their anger showed it in such a manner.

Apologies were spoken that night, and for the first time, Dezryl and her family had the closure they needed.

_______

I apologize for the delay...naadik sa ml lang.