One Last Smile

Entry #9

Entry #9

October 27, 2022

I didn't feel like getting up today. Kuya Dj had called me since morning, asking me if I should want him to pick me up. I couldn't let him pick me up, not when I'm still at Dad's house. Michelle was frantic. She was rushing me to take a shower already while she was cooking our breakfast.

I was still not over kagabi. Malalaman ko na sana kung saan siya nakatira but someone called him and picked him up kaya bumalik siya sa c-mall. I went inside the house with such a heavy heart. Eme. 

Today was very short and scary. Other than the fact that I lied to my family, naabutan ko pa si dad at ang kabet niya. It ruined my bright morning. But I couldn't make a scene with Michelle around. She was just shaken that she saw the mistress, though it wasn't her first time seeing her. When we got out of the house, I immediately texted Mom that I'd be late for my first subject. Ayun, nagalit siya dahil matagal daw akong nagising. 

The afternoon did not bring any good deal to me except for the Starbucks after-school gala. I had to stay there and study for an upcoming quiz. I was not a naturally brilliant student. So, that gave me away. Michelle's mom picked her up early kaya naiwan akong mag-isa sa IT Park. 

It was really painful to see family happily roaming around IT Park. I had missed the days when we were complete before. I felt a stinging pain just thinking of how mom faced her problems each day and masked them up before her children's eyes. 

I pray that I would never experience a broken marriage. 

_______

I looked at the little girl who was now holding my legs. I gently nudged my left leg in an attempt to shrug her off. I glared at them and said, "Would you pick up this tadpole?" 

"Dezryl, that's not her name—"

"Now, that is—" The mistress almost shouted at me. Dad stopped her though. "Have you eaten breakfast?" 

"We're going now." I ignored him and made a run toward the door. In an attempt to stop me from leaving the house, Dad gave me an allowance. I still left the house though. It was hell for me. My soul would only suffer there. Besides, Michelle looked like she was about to cry. 

When we were already at Cha Time, above the Shell shop, Michelle broke the ice. "Grabe no? Wala na ba talagang pag-asa na mabalik kayo sa dati?" I could only scoff at Michelle's question. Same, Michelle. "Okay ka lang? I know na hindi naman, pero...are you about to cry?" Agad akong umiling. 

Somehow, I wanted to. I wanted to cry. There was pain ever still lingering around and it made my heart ache in so much agony. "Sanay na ako, Chelle. We really can't force people naman diba? It's painful, but what can I do when I do not have a choice?"

She agreed before swiftly changing our topic. We were swinging our feet while waiting for our teas. I didn't have any strength to go to school today, but it was Michelle who brought me along. Now, I found myself facing Kyan again. This time, I was a little different. Siguro kasi nasaktan ako kanina. That pain was different. It affected my whole self and I couldn't function in front of my friends.

I didn't know but Kyan comforted me today. He sympathized with me which I found comforting and dear to my heart. No one could really tell me that everything would be fine because when people think of the situation, it is never fine. It's only stupid to say that I should be happy for my father's happiness when he never thought about mine, my brother and my mother's. 

I was glad that people around me understood me clearly. I walked home alone while holding a plastic bag filled with ice cream which he bought for me. Strange, a stranger now knows even about my darkest secret.

_______