Miraculous Mistakes

"I'm Not Stalking You"

Maddison's POV:

I tossed and turned tonight, thinking about what Hayden said to me after our night at the bowling alley. You don't think I feel guilty about that?  I wondered what he meant by that. And then it occurred to me, all this time I have been so concerned with my own feelings about this whole situation. Ever since we were kids. Not once did I think about how bullying me, could have made him feel. Maybe not then, but now. 

I see the look in his eyes when i bring up the past, how he seems hurt. Like there's an explanation or some kind of reason as to why he did what he did. But doesn't think I'll understand or he just isn't ready to share it with me yet. I kept on wondering what that reason might be. I even noticed how he would feel uncomfortable when I brought up the past. Like the person I was talking about isn't here anymore. 

Perhaps that was the reason why I didn't recognize him before. 

My mother was right, it was because he's changed. 

And even though a part of me still didn't want to believe that. 

Didn't even want to accept that he's changed. 

I couldn't help but remember everything he told me he had been up to since high school. How he couldn't be in a relationship long term with his first girlfriend. Maybe he was right, maybe it was because he just couldn't do it with Kristen. But that was another reason why he isn't father material. What makes him think telling me about how he broke off his marriage, is gonna make him look good in my eyes? 

How can I know he'll stay committed to me and this family, if he can't even stay in a relationship? he told me at the bar he wasn't commitment material. And of course I agreed with him but, I also promised myself I would commit to the right person. When the time that I felt was right. And I still intended on doing so. I just was hesitant about doing so with Hayden. I still don't really know how I feel about him. 

I haven't really come to terms with my feelings. I did know that I didn't like how I felt when he gave me a look that was indicating that he could be talking about me, when he said he hadn't found the girl who's inspired him to change. 

Was he flirting with me? 

All of these thoughts kept me up at night. 

So I woke up bright and early to go on a run, needed to clear my head and get out of the beach house for a bit. I left the house around 5 am, wanting to stop by the beach to witness the sunrise. I placed my AirPods in my ears, playing an upbeat playlist I created months agp. The fresh air and clean breeze brought me some peace for a bit. When I arrived back at the house, my mother was in the kitchen writing something down on a piece of paper.

"Morning" I said, taking out my AirPods as she hears me come in. 

"Morning Maddie, can you stop by the grocery store for me? here's a list of items we need" she said, handing me the paper, as I nodded. 

"Sure thing, let me just shower first" I said, as she smiled, and caressed my cheek. 

Once I shower and wash my hair, I take my mother's car to the nearest grocery store. And as I'm looking through the meat aisle, a blonde haired boy is looking at the frozen meats and scratching his head. My heart leaps. He looks over at me and raises his hands. 

"I am not stalking you.. I swear!" he said, as I rolled my eyes. 

"Right, you just happen to be shopping through the same section as me?" I asked, as I walked over to him. 

"hey, we all need to eat don't we.. not everything is about you. And I thought you couldn't eat meat?" he asked, referring to my pregnancy. 

"I'm not, I'm getting groceries for my mom" I said, as he nodded.