Miraculous Mistakes

My Broken Other Half

Maddison's POV:

It had been a few weeks now with Hayden staying over our household. And to be honest my mother and I couldn't get enough of his homemade cooking. He taught me a few things, as I played the role as his kitchen cooking assistant. Things like how to prep the oven and stove when making spaghetti, or fetcticini. I won't say I was better than him at cooking, since all I have been doing is prepping. But hey, you got to start somewhere. 

I hated to admit it, but I really missed my job, I haven't thought much about the night I lost it until recently. Maybe it's just my hormones talking, but I know for a fact I miss working, taking phone calls, and spending time in my cubicle. No, I most certainly did not miss ten minute Tim. But as weeks went by, it had already been a little over two months of me not being employed. And I'll admit it I do like to consider myself a workaholic. I don't really see that as a bad thing. Sitting around, eating random foods, and getting the urge to tackle Hayden to the ground nowadays was driving me crazy. 

I needed to distract myself with something, and there was only so many times a women could clean and organize her room, let alone the whole house. I needed a challenge, and I did find myself looking at online jobs, where I could work from home. I feel like I'm qualified for a role like that, since I have plenty of experience in customer service and phone etiquette. But every time I even try to focus on myself and prioritize financially for my daughter. 

My pregnancy gets in the way. 

I stared at my desk top screen, reorganizing my resume one more time, before feeling a kick in my ribs. Making me flinch and clutch my stomach. I felt like a giant balloon these days, floating wherever this journey took me, and only popping when I was ready too. Whenever my daughter would allow me too. I took a deep breath, leaning back in my chair, as I rubbed my stomach with a sigh. I was so ready to give birth, no one talks about how being pregnant sort of feels like your a prisoner in your own body. 

Suddenly nothing I do is ever just for me, it's for me and her. 

I have to urinate more times than I can count on my fingers, the cravings drive my mother and Hayden crazy, when they rush to the store at eleven at night just because I can't live, unless I eat pickles and peanut butter. My mood swings send my hormones into overdrive, as I can physically feel myself being a doormat for my emotions. Nothing feels normal anymore because this is the new normal. 

"I love you but you're a lot of work" I whispered to her, as I rubbed my stomach, a few more times, before clicking out of my resume on my screen. It's best to believe I'm on maternity leave. For however long that maybe. I looked at the ceiling, thinking more about what was going to happen when I did give birth. Do I want Hayden by my side? did I want him to father our child? yes I know he and I are getting to know each other better, but that doesn't mean he's in the clear. 

That dam around my heart is still very much there. And I think it's because he still doesn't feel comfortable enough to open up completely to me. When I asked him why he didn't want to live with his parents, he didn't feel ready to elaborate. I literally gave him my full life story, and all he gave me was a what he's been to these last four years, and when he lost his virginity. 

Both could have been a lie. 

I'll never know for sure, but what I do know.. Is that he's still just a handsome stranger to me.

 I don't want to push him, or feel the need to force him into opening up to me. But if he wants to be in our child's life, he needs to give me something, anything for that matter. That shows me he's worth forgiving. He needs to prove it to me. But even when my daughter does come into this world, I won't be alone.