Awakened (Twisted Book 2)

Chapter 7

Have you ever experienced bereavement...?

Consciously, it doesn't start hurting immediately... You are shocked at first. You can't believe it. It's like your brain has gone numb. It refuses to believe that he is really gone... Deep inside, you know... And it is already hurting... excruciating in fact but it takes your mind time to come to terms with the news. With your emotions... And that's when it starts... The anguish...

It's not only emotional as people think. It causes actual physical pain... You can feel it in there, in the middle of your chest... Something tearing your chest open... And gnawing at the whole of your heart... Leaving nothing but scraps behind... The stinging is there. The fire. The burn... But that's not the worst part...

The worst part is that no matter how hard your heart is aching, it keeps on beating. You do not die when you're experiencing this devastating emotional or physical pain... It aches as if it's going to implode in your chest, but still, the lub-dub continues... And it goes under the same anguish again and again... like a never-ending cycle... It is broken and broken... And broken again... You think that it must stop at some point... that it cannot break as it has nothing left to be broken anymore... but... it doesn't stop...

But... it's not only the heart that aches when you're mourning... It's also the hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach... The emptiness that lies in there...The coiling of your organs into one another...It's the feeling of your lungs being squashed... The feeling of not being able to breathe... Not getting enough air inside your brain causing it to swirl... The feeling of losing focus on everything...

But.... that's only physical... What you feel emotionally, is a whole other level...

You see the world in front of you. The world that you built for yourself. The world that revolves around that one person... crumbling down, bits by bits falling into the darkness below...

The one person whom you loved to death. The one person who made up your entire world isn't present anymore... He's left this world... Leaving you behind... Alone... And you realize that this world doesn't even exist anymore...

You can picture all your smiles and laughs in Rewind. Your hugs. Your kisses. Your intimate moments. All flashing in front of your eyes slowly fading away into darkness... what's left are tears... Those are never-ending.

You realize that the only person holding you together is now gone... that your life will never be the same anymore.

You won't see him. You won't hear his voice... He won't touch you... He won't kiss you... He won't hold you... It will all become memories... Memories that will haunt you forever.

You realize that everything has changed for you... Everything is now meaningless... All the things that you liked to do... Nothing makes sense now...

Everything reminds you of him... And how it will never happen again... How you can never be with him again... You will only hear his voice inside your head but never in reality. You will only see his face in your dreams but never in front of you.

You won't feel his embrace. The warmth that you found in it. You won't see the sparkle in his eyes when he smiled. You won't hear the sincerity in his voice when he said I love you... All of that... just gone...

You lose your appetite... You lose your smile... You lose everything... Everything that made you you... You lose the will to live. You only survive... you live because you have to... not because you want to...

And the cries... Crying within a pillow to muffle the loud sound... to muffle the pain. The ache of the stomach when you cry... When you scream... the feeling of your throat squeezing on itself...

The feeling of being broken again and again... Of being shattered and never being able to get whole again... The feeling of losing yourself... You become an empty shell... Nothing's inside you... You know that nothing will ever be the same again.

I place my hands on my stomach. It's aching... I can't breathe... I break into silent sobs... Sobs that come from the pit of my stomach. Sobs that make my head hurt... Kall immediately comes and kneels in front of me.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. It's okay. I'm here. I'm here", he says and hugs me tightly, trying to console me... Trying to comfort me. I hug him and cry and cry.

I thought that it would get better with time as they said time heals but it hasn't been like this for me... As time passed, the realization hit me hard... It began to feel real. I began to realize that I'm really never going to see him ever again. That I'll only be left with his memories...

It's been five months since... it happened. I've come back to Human World as... I got nothing left there... I turned my back on everything and everyone there and never looked back again. They tried to get in touch with me various times, but I couldn't face it. Every time I saw their number or their names, I felt this excruciating pain in the middle of my chest which made me collapse on the spot. It was a painful reminder. A painful reminder of what- who was not here anymore... And I couldn't... I ran away... Ran away from everything that reminded me of... him.

It wasn't easier here, but it wasn't as gut-wrenching as it was there. We didn't spend that much time here which made it harder for me to picture him in the house. When I was there, I would see him everywhere... I would see him sitting at the end corner of the bed, smiling at me. I would see him standing in the bathroom, waiting for me...

And at night... At night, I would scream like hell. Scream as if someone is literally driving a knife through my heart. The guards would run to me, thinking I was being attacked only to find me having an attack in bed.

There came a point when I was considering taking my own life... I was drowning in regret. I was angry at myself for leaving him. But every time I had that kind of thought, I would hear him speak to me... Telling me not to. And I would think of everything he did to keep me alive. I would hear his words, telling me how proud he is of me for being as strong as I am. And I couldn't let him down. But I couldn't stay there any longer... So, I ran away... I ran away and never looked back again. I haven't spoken to anyone there ever since. Not even Clara.

The guards came to see me once to tell me that Lars had finally gotten justice... they've apprehended Adrian and he has been killed. It was Red who came forward with the information about Adrian. She heard Adrian's guard talking to him and found out that they were responsible for what had happened. The guard was working at the castle disguised as Axes' guard. He mixed the vampire cure in Lars' drink and gave it to him. I remembered what he said about taking the antidote... If the virus dies, the host dies along... I cried. I cried hard.

They knew they didn't stand a chance against him. They knew they couldn't defeat him. They wanted his throne. They wanted power and they killed him because of that... They would've taken over Axes if Red hadn't heard them...

That was the last time they came to see me. After that, I never heard from them ever again. And since that, I have changed my phone number. The only people who are in touch with me are Kall and Jena.

Kall has been staying with me for three months now. He came to see me as soon as he got the news. He's the one who's been taking care of me... He makes me eat despite my not wanting to. He soothes me at night when I scream. He comforts me when I'm crying...

"It hurts, Kall," I tell him in a pained voice. I always tell him that. I cannot express what I'm really feeling...

Time has passed but his voice is still vivid inside my head.

You're mine, Kiara.

You're the reason I'm living again.

Do you even know what you mean to me?

I love you...

His words abrade me... All of it is gone...

"I know. I know... Just breathe... It will pass... I promise..." He tells me while rubbing my back.

After some time, I pull back from him and wipe my face nose, and eyes clean, "Thank you... For everything." I tell him.

He just gives me a soft smile, "Anything for you, Kiara."