𝚂𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝙳𝚊𝚢 𝙵𝚘𝚘𝚕 - 𝙺. 𝚂𝚊𝚔𝚞𝚜𝚊 𝚡 𝙾𝙲

Chapter Nineteen - Did Ya Catch That?

Chapter Nineteen

Sajima was happy to hear more about Sakusa's life as they watched the charity volleyball game from above. It made her feel closer to him and more trusted now that he had shared anecdotes about his family, cousins, and how he grew up. She hadn't anticipated it to be so challenging to keep from touching him in some way, though.

For Sakusa, it felt cathartic to open up to someone for once. While he did mention some of the more difficult aspects of his life, he spent more time sharing amusing stories from his childhood than anything else. Occasionally he'd answer her questions about the match they were watching or point out clever plays when he'd see them in motion. It was nice. Mostly.

It was becoming increasingly frustrating for Sakusa when any physical contact, intentional or not, was met with Sajima recoiling. She quickly crossed one leg over the other if their knees touched. If they both had their arm on the shared armrest, she would pull hers away and wrap them around herself instead. Even when their shoes would, too, she retreated. Sakusa was a patient man, and while he would never want to force affection, something just didn't feel right, and he needed to know exactly what and why that was so he could address it head-on.

He often noticed how she would catch herself when she naturally reached out to him, how she would hesitate and then clasp her hands together, and when he saw it happen one more time, he reached his boiling point. "Are you still upset with me, Sajima?"

"Me? No, why? Do I seem mad?"

The genuine confusion she displayed only vexed him further. "You keep doing that," he nodded down at her hand. "Stopping yourself or pulling away when there's any contact between us."

"Oh..." Sajima scratched her cheek as blood began to rush to her face. "Miya said th–"

"Miya?" Sakusa's face fell expressionless, and he muttered, "I am going to kill him. What did he say?"

"The other day, he said that it was really weird that I held your hand because you don't like to be touched." She looked down at the court and sighed. Her heart weighed heavy in her chest as she considered how many times she'd selfishly invaded his personal space. "I feel bad that I keep crossing your boundaries without realizing it, so I'm trying really hard to be mindful of them. I know you're just being nice about it when I do, but I don't want you to feel uncomfortable around me. I wanna be someone you can be yourself with."

Sakusa pinched the bridge of his nose. "Is that why you were avoiding me yesterday? Because you felt bad about holding my hand?"

Sajima nodded meekly. "I figured you'd be able to tell, and I didn't want to make you feel uneasy or like you had to console me because I was upset when I was the one who was at fault. I thought it would be best if I collected my thoughts first."

Why does her rationality always catch me off guard? She's exceedingly easygoing and not very responsible, yet she's still so contemplative. I should've questioned those two nitwits when they returned to practice. She doesn't deserve this.

"Please stop doing things like that, Sajima."

"You...you want me to stop respecting your boundaries? That seems counterintuitive."

"I don't know exactly when it started as a kid, but crowds and the possibility of contamination became terrifying. It used to be very obvious, and I didn't hide it, so it's become something many people remember about me. I've spent a few years working on it, and although there are still a few things that get to me, it's not as big of a part of my daily life anymore," he explained, admittedly relieved to lay it all out on the table. "Some of my teammates are people I've known since high school, which is when I was at my worst, and I don't think they're attentive enough to notice that I've grown. That's why Miya thinks it's weird we held hands. He's willfully obtuse."