The Skeleton In Me

Chapter Thirty-seven

sike u thought it'd take another year for me to update this huh

well actually you would have been almost right

next chapter already written, so I'll see u guys tomorrow :)

happy halloween

Chapter Thirty-seven

Months of hiding from the public has affected me more than I thought it would. Sitting at a table with a thirteen year old girl who struggles with English grammar, and is significantly failing her English class, I realize just how out of touch with normalcy I have been.

"I'm grounded until I get my grade up." She says, and I can see the resentment for her parents in her eyes. She doesn't find their punishment justified, and somehow I'm supposed to fix it.

"Well, what do you struggle with?"

She sighs, clearly upset, "I don't know, all of it."

"Okay, well, do you have the test that you failed?"

She pulls it out and hands it to me. There was a red circle written on it, and a boldened number of 33%, right beside a large 'F'.

"Oh, so it's diagraming sentences. That makes sense."

"What makes sense?" 

"You got an F, because of diagraming, one of the hardest things in English grammar in my opinion. It's not easy. But once you understand the patterns it becomes almost fun."

"It's stupid." She complains, "There's no point to it."

"There's a point to it," I try not to agree with her, "But it's also not easy for a lot of people."

I knew from the moment she began speaking to me that this was going to be a waste of both of our time. No matter how much I tutor her, she's not going to listen, or retain any information I say.

It doesn't matter to me whether or not she gets her grade up. Her parents are paying me by the hour and that's all I need to keep positive.

We spend the next two hours going over the same things over and over again. I've repeated myself numerous times, and after an hour, she was zoning out, and practically ignoring me. 

I knew she wasn't listening, as I continued to lecture her until our time was up. Her parents came and spoke to me about how the lesson went, and I lie and say she seems to be having trouble, but I have full confidence that I can help her get her grade up.

I don't have confidence, I don't think even the best tutor in the world could work such a miracle, but regardless, I need their money.

We make a date for her next lesson, and I get to go home with $200 more than I woke up with.

The walk home felt like hours. All day I had the lingering concern in the back of my mind, all dedicated to Cousin. This is the first time he's been alone this long since I met him. Is he okay? Surely he wouldn't have tried to hurt himself now?

My heart picks up as I think about what I might return to, so I try to calm my breathing, and walk normally, but, with a slight quicker pace.

The money I earned today feels heavy in my pocket. I'm not even sure if it was worth it. I know Cousin eventually needs to learn to be on his own, but is it too soon? Am I expecting too much from him so early?

My leg still hurts from my injuries, my body aches when I walk or move too much. I don't like to think about that moment too often, the thought of Cousin killing an animal mercilessly. Still, sometimes, I can't stop the thoughts, and they appear in my mind in visual pictures. Cousin has a lot of anger and hatred in his body. He is a very, very angry man. Perhaps if I were normal, I might even find it as disturbing. but I care for him so deeply, I have delusional hope that we can fix it. He can be fixed, he just need help.