𝗨𝗟𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗩𝗜𝗢𝗟𝗘𝗡𝗖𝗘 - 𝘄.𝗿.

xiii. 𝗯𝗼𝘆𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱...

RISING
IRIS JONES

*iris jones' point of view*

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YES, HE'S laying in my bed, fast asleep right now. after i got home last night, he was standing in the living room. i was extremely stupid last night. like, really stupid.

we had about a three hour conversation on the couch last night. we talked about everything that's happened between us, and how much we still love each other. the end of the conversation went a little like this:

—"ophelia, i really do love you. i always have, and i always will." i look at him in confusion, love, and hatred. if he loved me, why would he do the things he's done? "i know i've fucked up, and i want to make it right between us. i want to make you happy."

"you've hurt me, time and time again, matthew." i say, sitting only a cushion over from him. he scoots closer to me, resting a hand on knee.

"i know. i know i have and i want to make it right. i'm going to prove to you how much i love you. you just have to let me." he pleads. there's desperation in voice and in his eyes. he means every word he's saying.

"okay." i don't only want him to be better, i need him to be. he's been my person for as long as i can remember. i need him to love me the way i love him. i promise that if he hurts me again, that'll be the last time. swear.

he moves closer to me, edging for my lips. his eyes going back and forth between them and my eyes. i catch myself doing the same. it's been so long since i've kissed him. and i miss it. i miss it so much. so i go for it. i put my hands on his jaw and pull his face closer to mine, our lips connected.

he lays me back onto the couch, never disconnecting ourselves from each other. things intensify, and one thing leads to another. everything felt so different. when he kissed me, it didn't light me on fire, when we were tangled in between each other, there was no warmth.

everything felt as if i were with a random person, no feelings attached. i felt more with harry than i did with matthew, and i truthfully don't know how i am supposed to feel. he's matthew corey. my first boyfriend, first love, first kiss, first everything. i cant just let him go.

he's fought for me for years. he still is fighting for me. he's been the only person that has ever made an effort to be in my life like this, i can't just ignore that. it feels good to be wanted. it feels good to be fought for. even if he hurts me, it still feels like true love.

IRIS JONES (singer, songwriter): god, i was naive back then. i was so clueless as to what love really was. if you take anything from this whole interview please listen to this; if they hurt you, it is not love. matthew was not a good man. matter of fact, he wasn't a man at all. he was a broken boy who didn't know the difference between love and lust.

INTERVIEWER: if you could say anything to your younger self about the whole getting back with matthew thing, what would you say?

IRIS: choose your own fucking happiness for once. i was so worried about him and what he thought and felt that i completely forgot about myself. i forgot i was even a real person who deserved and needed to be loved.