Lisa Simpson's New Friend

Chapter 25

"Boys this is going to be an easy job. Just want to make one thing clear. We Are Not Killing Anyone Whatsoever, understand?" I told them. "You got it, Michelle," Louie said giving me a thumbs up. "Good, now I did some research on our targets. Marbles and Skinny don't finish their set tonight until 11:00 exactly, I'll invite them over to Moe's Tavern (because it's the last place anyone would think of looking for a couple of successful jazz musicians going for a drink). Just to be safe we'll slip Moe $200 so we can have the place to ourselves (he'll most likely take it since that's more than he makes in a month). Then I offer them the choice to act as adults and apologize to Lisa and invite her to jam with them or else we sprain their ankles, so they won't be able to play for a week. We're gonna need some bamboo stalks to put in their mouths so no one can hear them scream. Any questions?" I asked them. "Yeah, where should we boost the bamboo stalks from?" Louie asks. "We're not stealing it, we're buying it. And if anyone asks why, just say it's for a sex thing later and no one will want to ask any more questions." I explain.

The look of shock on their faces, when I mentioned the ruse to explain the purchase of the bamboo stalks, was pure gold. "Where did you get the idea for 'sex thing' exactly?" Louie looked awkward as he looked at me while asking that question. "Let's just say, my school is very open about sex and leave it at that," I answered.

"Ok so, which one of you wants to be the one to get the bamboo?" I ask them. The awkward looks on their faces were utterly hilarious as they acted as if I had asked them about their sex lives. "Well, since no one's volunteering, we're gonna have to get a patsy; someone who's okay with being humiliated on a daily basis," I said thinking about who we can pick. Suddenly, it hit me. Snapping my fingers I said, "Barney, that guy's been wasted since before I was born. We can just go over to Moe's tavern right now and offer to buy him his weight in beer and he'll be more than happy to get the bamboo no matter what."

"Good idea Piccola Capa." Louie said which means Little Boss. "Ok let's go. Legs make sure we use a car we haven't used before that the cops won't be able to recognize as ours. And I want everyone here to take the chips out of their phones, no exceptions." I tell them as I take the memory chip out of my phone so that no one will be able to track us.