pt. 1: nervous music hoarder🪕

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"Thank you maybe_me for the $10!! " You sing with excitement as you almost clicked the end stream button.

"But seriously I know most of y'all have school tomorrow. Get plenty of rest, and drink your water, PLEASE! Sprout, OUT!"

Singing Sprout was my internet persona before I fully put myself out there once I turned 19, and being 21 my old viewers are still getting used to seeing my face. Not that it was ugly, quite gorgeous actually (you cute boo💗). I've always loved being on stage. There was something about the way it was a natural serotonin booster, an antidepressant if you will.

"You done strumming now? Some of us have calculus in the morning."

Introducing Justine. My roommate. My best friend. My soul sister. I met her by accident at a band camp when we both were around seven. The best friendships always start by accident.

"Fine, fine." I say putting my hand up as I put my acoustic guitar back in its case covered with stickers a plenty that gave it character; it was a preview of who I was: fun, jumbled and chaotic. I always wondered why music was the only thing that could tame my heart of which was constantly eager for something more extravagant.

"That's the 17th stream in a row! Your fingers have gotta be dulled down to their bones from those strings. You've gotta rest your vocalizers for Sky High this weekend."

Justine is my polar opposite. I'm fun and set no limits and she's the mom, but like, it the best way possible.

"Not a chance." I say, picking up my ukulele off its stand and strumming a melody of my own.

"I know what you're doing and it happens all the time."

"Doing what..?" I sing instead of speaking normally.

I'm a music psycho when I'm nervous. Always have been. Probably always will be.

"You become freaking Mozart van Beethoven -or whatever his name was- when you're anxious."

It's true.

"Nah uh." I say as I look down at my fingers, placing them on different frets and strings to make a harmonizing chord of perfection.

I know it's true.

"I can read the pitch of your voice, y/n."

"Look it's my coping method, okay?!" We both giggled and sighed.

It was either play music or binge watch bootleg Broadway musicals on YouTube for hours.

It wasn't the performance that was giving you a hard time, it was meeting the whole Group Chat squad, Schlatt and Kage. The discord convos weren't cutting it.

We decide to order Panda Express seeing that we've been craving Chinese food for about a week now.

"Did Nick ever send you that track for Beyond Repair?"

Nick, AKA Softwilly. He was the one who basically made my first featured original blowup, featuring your good friends Isaacwhy and Yung Kage. They did the rapping, I did the singing and riffs.

"Yeah. I've sang my parts so many times I'm pretty sure I'm just over thinking it now."

"That's my girl, but I don't think that's what you're overthinking." Justine sighed as she knows in the back of her head why I'm actually nervous.

"So far the only one I need is Vengeance. I've had Run It Back since last month."

Singing in front of thousands of people was nothing new. I not self-centered but there was something about all of the applause that made tears come to my eyes after every performance.

A text from Isaac pops up on my phone about the Sky High concert this weekend. In a discord call a few days ago I was talking to all the guys about how it's gonna be a blast and asking questions about their stage experience. I made fun of them for not being live performers playfully of course, but I can tell they're nerves are racked. Excited, but racked.


Isak Y: you mind joining the vc real quick? i gotta run Beyond Repair one more time

                                                                                     You: yeah sure thing. i could use some more review too

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